 that does it. it's the end. things will never be the same again. sigh KICKED ASS AT 4/24/2004 10:07:00 PM. looking back, i sure would regret cursing the day that we'd first met sincerity is dead god's gone back to bed and let us continue with the mayhem that we'd made juz making sure we'd never lie he'd talk about hell to make us cry pretence ain't confusing like it seems to be twist it around using reverse psychology and pray hard that that's wad it's meant to be telling truths about lies speaking of the love for hate taking failure to be part of success it's all shit to me get lost. KICKED ASS AT 4/23/2004 10:43:00 PM. awkward.. funny word. reminiscence. the feeling's back.. it's been a very long time since i felt that. hmm.. like wad.. 2 or 3 years? it sucked, yes it did. confusion sets in.. now i don't wish i would just fly away. there's no place i could go. maybe if i'm just dead, everything would be alright. here or not, i'm just a shadow in a subway.. stepped on, unnoticed. morning: rush hour. people rushing, catching the train. i'm just lying against a wall. unnoticed. afterall, who cares about a shadow? hanging out, looking around. expressionless faces seem to fit mine. we're all living in a monotonous world, humans and shadows alike. afternoon: free and easy. everybody seems to be busy at work today, wonder who can come out and play? could only talk to the wall.. what's the use? but at least it understands me. i hope. they say "empty vessels make the most noise" how come it doesn't apply to subways? evening: peak hour. same as morning. rushing here and there. again, i'm left unnoticed. someone talk to me? i'm lonely here. looking out for other shadows to talk to. they either just stand there, emotionless, or they just leave without a word. how rude. is there anybody who would accompany me? night: closing time. cleaners all over the subway. doing their jobs. it seems they too, have something to do. who cares about a shadow anyway? lights off. i'll just disappear into the night. good bye. KICKED ASS AT 4/21/2004 09:50:00 PM. i wish that one day, i would just fly away.. seems like i'm nt appreciated here.. sincerity is outdated ben. we live in a world of masks and drama.. nothing's for real. i just know. somehow.. a sincerity to like a person is usually not recognised.. but well.. live it as if it's the opposite. hate if you love. love if you hate. be sincere if you dun intend to, don't be if you do. live if you hate life. end it if you don't. making sure i don't fall too deep. i have to keep my mind on other stuff.. homework for example. i've been putting it off for quite some time now. i SHOULD catch up with it. shin splint again. isn't it the obvious.. i can't be overtraining.. i'm probably just so damn weak. i'm not me.. i'm unreal.. i'm just a figment of your goddamn imagination. if i disappear, i won't be remembered, i'll just be put back into the shelf after reading my blurb. i'm sad.. yes i am sad. KICKED ASS AT 4/19/2004 08:42:00 PM. |
ME hi, i'm ben, you can call me ben, ben tan, benjamin tan, choc god, whatever.. just don't call me suzy. i'm your not-so-average guy next door (if you really are my neighbour), otherwise i'm just your not-so-average guy. i'm fascinated with ah bengs and their ability to survive in the world right here right now. if i have the money and time and an ah beng, i'll conduct a series of tests and experiments to see how they do it. don't you wanna know too? BY GEORGE... OTHER MEs. cheap shoes!! vic paul miss phua jocheben jasmine beckie isabelle germaine joy gay ben yo. manuel mark camilia cat sophie isa rach incredible tales.. of xiaoming do you like to talk cock? blogger GREETINGS.. BUAY PAISEH AH 
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