dancing on the kitchen tiles.

2009-04-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

pictures that I randomly took cuz I thought the world is so amusing

2009-01-18T19:56:00.014+08:00

ok people, if this is gonna bore you to tears, don't read it lah.

it's Singapore's funniest home pictures!

Contestant number 1:

THIS IS ME STUDYING! ME ACTUALLY STUDYING. ME ACTUALLY STUDYING ENGINEERING. ME SERIOUSLY ACTUALLY STUDYING ENGINEERING SERIOUSLY!

*chokes*

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........

ya don't worry, this is a photoshopped picture where my face is superimposed onto some nerd studying engineering. i'm in SOCIOLOGY remember? :D

Contestant No. 2

I know I posted this before, but it's damn funny right!!?

Hokkien 101... haha

teacher: ok, crasss, leeepeat after me, "KUA SIMI?"

part time BEngs: KUA MIMI

teacher: nononono you sibei toopid leh, it's "KUA SIMI?"

part time BEngs: KUA LILI?

teacher: wa lau &$&#%@*^#

Contestant No. 3:

yet another photoshopped picture of me studying engineering, ZUN BO?

Contestant No. 4:

awwwww....

Contestant No. 5:

me driving against the direction of the road..

Constestant No. 6:

Part 1:

Pay phone right? zoom in

Part 2:

the reason why you are using the pay phone is because you don't have a mobile phone right?

HOW TO CALL!?!?!!?!?!

Singaporeans are quite funny nowadays..

Ah Beng: eh! phone spoil siaaaa, so sway got no phone.. neh-my, I go to another phone and call them and tell them the phone spoil.

*Walk 5 km*

Ah Beng: errow? eh, your phone at citylink spoil lah, go repair

*Walk back 5 km*

*wait for phone to get repaired*

Ah Beng: Finally can use the phone!

*ring ring*

Ah Beng: errow, mommy ah, I not going home for dinner hor.

Contestant No. 7:

Indication that I need to lose weight

Contestant No. 8:

Picture was taken in the MRT train

Please give up your seats for:

1: Charlie Chaplin

2: Fat people like me who breaks chairs

3: Paedophiles

*censored*

Contestant No. 9:

CALAMARI WITH ITS VERY OWN STUFFED TENTACLES!! woo!

*tentacles sold separately*

*30 day money back guaranteed*

CAST YOUR VOTES NOW!

call 1900-gimme-$$ and stand a chance to win a calamari with its very own stuffed tentacles!

We Sing, We Dance, We Blog Things

2009-01-15T23:00:00.006+08:00

New Year's resolution for 2009 (a bit late I know, but CUP HALF FULL PEOPLE (in case you're a bit hard on your eyesight, it means be optimistic!!):

On University life:

1: DO readings at the very latest, before the tutorials! (failed miserably already)
2: Try NOT to skip lecture (failed miserably too)
3: Try to start on my essay assignments ASAP (going to fail miserably)
4: Create a fun and happy image that study is fun (failed, is failing, and will fail miserably)

On social life:

5: Catch up with old friends (hands full, can't catch)
6: Less on facebook, more on facework (sociological term, check it out!)
7: Exercise more and get back my 6 pac (not beer or coca cola)
8a: Save enough money for future purposes (by future i mean Great Singapore Sale)
8b: Not spend too much money (you confused me there..)

On blogging life:

9: Blog!! (actually, the reason why i'm blogging now is that I finally got a study table! creativity flows through your brains better when you are sitting upright instead of lying on the bed.. try it.)

Ok, so i'm back on the blogging scene, thanks to jilun for showing me that blogging can be fun and scandalous :) if you haven't seen or met me since march 2008, I've been:

- transferred to Sociology from Engineering (from SO jia lat to SOci! muahahaha)
- transferred from no life to lagi no life
- transferred from 21 to 22 years old

ok so i digress, back to my blogging, been wanting to do something like this for a really long time, and if i could help it, along with a niffy camera and a few dancer wannabes, I might be able to actually do this:

That's right! uni-versity musical! without my state of the art technology and my dancer wannabes, I cannot do the actual thing

BUT what i can offer is lyrics to the songs done my own way:

so SING ALONG EVERYONE! thanks to youtube you've got music to sing along with!

We're All In This (Shit) Together (Sung to We're All In This Together)

Together, together, together everyone
Together, together, come on let's have some fun
Together, we're there for lecture every time
Together together come on lets do this right

Here and now it's time for condemnation
I finally figured it out (yeah yeah)
That all our work have no limitations
I hope I don't TABAO

Everyone is mugging in their own way
We give each other stress(wa, sibei stress!)
We're not the same
We're different from those Ah Tiongs
Chao mugging's where we belong

We're all in this (shit) together
Once we fail
That we know
Can't TABAO
And we see that
We're all in this (shit) together
And it shows
Where we stand
Cannot man
Wait for 3 month break!

Together, together, together everyone
Together, together, come on let's stay in hall
Together, we're there for mahjong every time
Together together come on let's play tonight!

We're all here
and waiting for 179
we're going to NTU(sibei far!)
the lecture's on now everybody take your pen
come on copy down!

We've arrived cause we can't go NUS
STUPID one and all

We're all in this together
Once we know
We can't go
NUS
or SMU
We're all in this together
And it shows
Buay tahan
Si bei xiong
What to S/Uuuuuu?

We're all in this together
When we reach
We're too shack
Go inside
We fall asleep
We're all in this together
Once we see
There's no chance
To change school
And we sian diaooooo

Ah tiongs, SING WHAT SING?
Yeah, you really sibei noisy
Ah tiongs STOP SINGING
Everybody buay tahan
Ah tiongs everywhere
Throw a stone you hit one there
That's the way we do it
Let's go JP
Time to eat SUBWAY

We're all in this (shit) together
Once we fail
That we know
Can't TABAO
And we see that
We're all in this (shit) together
And it shows
Where we stand
Cannot man
Wait for 3 month break!

We're all in this (shit) together
When we reach
We're too shack
Go inside
We fall asleep
We're all in this (shit) together
Once we see
There's no chance
To change school
And we sian diaooooo
Ah tiongs everywhere
Throw a stone you hit one there
That's the way we do it
Let's go JP
Time to eat SUBWAY
Come on everyone!

everybody sing along!!

okok, took me long enough, part 2 coming soon k? good luck for those going to school tomorrow! TGIF!

CB!!!!!

2008-03-12T15:07:00.005+08:00

before I start on this blog, I wanna thank those people who BOTHERED to tag. :D props to you angie, becky and bEcLoVeD (whoever you are :D)

in case you guys are wondering what CB stands for.. i'll tell you..

Controversial Ben!

yup.

i hope you're not thinking what i hope you should not be thinking, cuz if you're thinking that thing, i will think that your thinking needs a little bit more thinking that what you are already thinking.

think about it.

anyway, so why am i controversial?

because i only buy stuffs that are controversial

FOR EXAMPLE! (remember kids! always give examples to support your stand!)

a cool mao zedong tiled file at only $10 in CK Tangs!

it's sooooo cool, even the man's wearing shades!

the no. 2 controversial item:

a PatSaysNow sexayeeeeeee.. wait for it...

MOUSE.

no prizes for guessing where're the click buttons.

better not put the price for it, lest i get knocked on the head by anyone who thinks this is not worth the price i pay which is $60.

there's another item but i forgot to take a picture of it, ain't much of a camwhore these days but some of you might have seen me wearing it around. it's my adidas tee of a marilyn monroe lookalike, only this girl's a whole lot sexier. I swear heads turn (in more ways than one) whenever they see this shirt..

ah well, that's it for today!

back to rushing my reports due on my birthday..

"On the 1st day of my birthday NTU gave to me: 3 assignments, 2 big fat tests, and a partridge in a pear tree."

2008-01-17T15:57:00.000+08:00

you're welcome again :)

2008-01-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

Just a couple of random pictures if you bothered to come here. :) k k .. thanks for visiting anyway :D

lazily looking at the signboard in NTU while waiting for the lift and guess what?

they have part time beng courses!

imagine that.

courses on, swearing 101, techno music composition, hokkien language level 1,2,3,4, practical lessons, fashion, attachments at car workshops, secondary schools, sparks disco (if it's still there.. never had a chance to go. and i so wanted to lah.), exchange programmes to malaysia, china, etc, how-to-jio-ah-lians 101.

so many courses to take lah!

i wonder if they have part time seng courses too..

top says " thank you, your receipt "

well, i was hoping that they'd call me "your highness" or "your majesty". but maybe if "your receipt" is equilivent to that, i won't mind..

and finally,

something which i thought of while taking a piss...

i know, guys think of the weirdest things while pissing, but this was just done in celebration of installing photoshop in my laptop! skip-a-dee-doo-da-yay.

oh, and i dunno if i'm lagging or not (i'm a dinosaur now when it comes to blogging..), but blogger can post videos! how cool lah.

introducing, my very good friend cum fail-at-being-a-magician:

DAVID CUPANDFEEL

for those of you who can't see it using blogger videos,

him training

and him going professional,

this is not made by me, but it's FRIGGING hilarious! check out "david blaine"'s eyes

all in all, i think i've just wasted 6 minutes of your life by reading my blog. sorry, there's no refunds. and if you are thinking of cursing/scolding/swearing at/gossipping about me, please do so on the tagboard. :) thanks! :D

Movie Review on Alien vs Predator II

2008-01-05T01:58:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna start off blogging in the new year with a movie review!

If you ever wondered what movie could be worse than curse of the golden crysanthemum (check previous blog post), Alien vs. Predator I would be it.

If you ever wondered what movie could be worse than Alien vs. Predator I (check the movie out.), Alien vs. Predator II would be the ONE.

So, i'd give the movie a rating of 0.0000000000000001^99999999999999999 upon 5 popcorns, 5 being the best show ever made in history, and 1 being the show i'll never watch during history lesson.

top ten reasons why you shouldn't watch alien vs. predator II:

10: there is no plot, just mindless killing, even south park has mindless killing WITH a plot.

9: there is minimal/no character buildup. when i thought that the character in the story won't die because i got to know a little about the character, 5 minutes later, the alien/predator kills him/her. you call that twist in the story, i call it being stupid. spoiler alert*: everyone in the city dies except for a few others who escaped because the government dropped a bomb on it.

8: everything happened in the night or in the sewers. night = poor lighting. it was so dark, for all i know, the alien and predator fighting are only taking a smoke in the show while the fighting sounds were heard.

7: oh, did i mention there's love in the plot? no? well, because there isn't.

6: oh, and did i mention there's elements of comedy in the plot? no? because there isn't.

5: i hate it when there was no subtitles for predator language.. what the hell did it say when it wanted to self-destruct? "tell my momma i love he..." boom*

4: a dog died in the show! (which is why i came to hate I Am Legend.. but at least that show had a plot)

3: if you are an alien, the show should have been rated R21, technically, aliens had sex with humans (pregnant ones too).

2: if you think the alien/predator hybrid would have inherited the superior genes of both sides, it would be smart enough to get the weapons of the predator it killed. but it didn't. so if you are looking for a spouse so that your kid can inherit the dimple on his/her cheek, don't bother.

and the number 1 reason why you shouldn't watch alien vs predator II: there is no plot; i can't emphasize that enough.

kids, it's not even worth downloading.

PETITION!!!

2007-11-18T03:04:00.000+08:00

To sign the petition to update altonesax.blogspot.com, click HERE!

the need for entertainment (nfe) part of me did this, the author is not responsible for hair loss, sudden death, waste of time, pet died, toenail cracked or photo seizures caused by this blog post.

you've been warned,

k now go knock yourselves out.

2007-06-29T00:46:00.000+08:00

i'm SOOOOO lazy.. :D

blog inspiration #395

2007-06-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

eh so sorry lah, if you're me, you'd be drained out and have no more energy to blog. so there. hahahahaha....

so to entertain yourselves visit these past entries and er, be patient? heh sorry lah.

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2004_11_21_archive.html

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2007_01_07_archive.html

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2006_11_19_archive.html

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2006_10_15_archive.html

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2006_11_26_archive.html

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2006_07_16_archive.html

err... yahhhh...

i'm so sorry!! will blog soon la.. don't emo ok?

tag more! tag more! :)

blog inspiration #394

2007-05-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

with everyone suddenly asking me to blog... (SUDDENLY...)

i shall blog.

things from now will be random random random.

randomness no. 1: bloggers' gathering.

since everyone else ( the top 19 ) blogged about the gathering with more camwhored pictures than the 4 million smiles to welcome world bank to singapore last year, i shan't say more. except everyone else except me found it enjoyable. i found it hohum...

WHY?

NO ONE TALKED TO MEEEEEEEEE.....

*emo*

i need to become more sociable and start making pointless conversations and agreeable body languages. otherwise, my social circle will become a social dot.

RANDOMNESS NO. 2: hair colour..

current hair state:

I'M GONNA DYE MY HAIR AGAIN...
(warning camwhore ahead..)
this time, what colour should i dye hm?

red?

green?

white?

ash?

blonde?

or pink?

machiam..

hehehehehehe..

help me decide leh..

RANDOMNESS NO. 3: Ben Band Ben Jerry.

there you go! ben and jerry's gig at ben and jerry's. ;)

i need a new image as michelle said.

NEXT STOP: ZAI STUDIOS. where everyone isi THAT ZAI.. :D

more camwhored pics coming up.

blog inspiration #393

2007-05-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

if everyone's doing it, WHY NOT ME? :D

Create your own Friend Test here

blog inspiration #392 - sublimal messages..

2007-05-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

HELLO! *vote for me* how have *vote for me* you been? *vote for me*

i love *vote for me* ah bengs *vote for me* and ah lians *vote for me* cuz i think they're the coolest *vote for me* bunch of people *vote for me* on this planet! *vote for me*

i hate people *vote for me* who use underhanded means *vote for me* in campaigns *vote for me* to rally for votes. *vote for me* they think that by *vote for me* toying with others' minds to *vote for me* suit them, they would be able to *vote for me* get the public to *vote for me* subconsciously support their *vote for me* cause. i think *vote for me* these people ought to *vote for me* burn in hell *vote for me* and suffer *vote* a slow and painful *for* death. *me* even ah bengs and ah lians *vote for me* don't do that, why *vote for me* should you, then? *vote for me*

if you were to *vote for me* be running in the elections for *vote for me* a seat in the government*vote for me* in future, please *vote for me* do not use underhanded means *vote for me* and think that you would be able to *vote for me* get away with it, leaving no trace of *vote for me* evidence behind.

i'll be watching you.. *vote for me*

blog inspiration #391

2007-05-15T11:25:00.000+08:00

let me do another entry of GONE ARE THE DAYS.. !!

i think i did one post before.. can't remember already.. IT'S SO BLOODY LONG AGO!

here goes..

1) gone are the days when shows like ASIA BAGUS, gotcha, under one roof, masters of the sea, talentime used to rule channel 5.

2) gone are the days when channel 5 shows the irritating logo with singing: CHANNEL 5! WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS.... fivee...

3) gone are the days when titanic used to rule the box office. irritating "my heart will go on" was played everywhere we went, couples doing the "OH JACK I'M FLYING!".

4) gone are the days when proyo and bumblebee was cool.

5) gone are the days when power rangers were shown at 11am every saturday with rita repulsa and her pointed boobs screaming everywhere.

6) gone are the days when there were only 5 channels in our tv: channel 5, channel 8, channel 12 and the tv 1 and 2 provided by malaysia.

7) gone are the days when there was doraemon on tv 1.

8) gone are the days when barney the dinosaur wasn't gay YET. he was hip, cool, and happening. cuz you are special, special, everyone is special....

9) gone are the days when we would put 20 cents into a machine, turn a dial and VOILA! a power ranger/dragonball card comes out!

10) gone are the days when CDIS (cirriculum development institute of singapore) used to show interesting programmes of our school lessons on tv 12 every morning from 8.30am 2pm. those who studied in the afternoon sessions always wake up to watch that.

11) gone are the days when pee wee's playhouse was cool.

12) gone are the days when pencil boxes have different buttons on them for different uses: sharpener, eraser holder, etc.. this was considered high tech.

13) gone are the days when macho mee, mamee, nutella was sold separately and they were goddam cheap.

14) gone are the days when yeo's slogan was "Yeo's: Leader of the Pack"

15) gone are the days when pagers were hip and cool

16) gone are the days when we could memorise most of our friends' phone numbers because there was no handphone, thus no lazy man's phone book.

17) gone are the days when singtel was called telecoms

18) gone are the days when transitlink cards were being used. flexible cards which you slot into the machine and press the amount u need and out comes a ticket! cool....

19) gone are the days when bus stamps were used instead of concession nonsense from ez link cards.

20) gone are the days when "catching" in primary schools was fun.

NOSTALGIC LA.....

i wanna relive those good ol' days again!

blog inspiration #390

2007-05-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

THE LATEST UPDATE ON BLOGGER:

oh well, at least they let me change font size now. :)

YAY!

anyway,

ANNOUNCEMENT!!
*aiseh! :)*

SHOT will be playing at ben and jerry's at cathay cineplex (or whatever, the one beside plaza singapura lah.) on the

29th May
*i love enlarging fonts and um... the other stuff!... my finances lah. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT!?*

it'll most probably start at nine, if there's a change i'll let you know, ok?

if you checked your calender, (i know i did), it's on a tuesday night, *WA LAU, WHO WILL COME?*

BUT!

1) it's the school holidays!

2) it's the day after chinese o's!

3) there're CUTE ice cream girls!

4) there're CUTE guys playing!

5) Don't believe no. 4!

6) SERIOUSLY!!!

so...

COME OK? :)

and eat ice cream there!
*bnj,i hope you see this.. WHERE'S MY FREE ICE CREAM!?*

warning.. cheesiness ahead..

i warned you..

you had enough time to close this window already.

i warned you already hor.

anyway! COME OK!

blog inspiration #389

2007-05-10T07:49:00.000+08:00

DID I EVER TELL YOU OUR BAND PLAYED AT BEN & JERRY'S? (the one at cathay cineplex) *one of my sudden dream to do it when i saw a band played during my army days.*

AUDITION ONLY LA. :D but still..

Ben & Jerry's Band auditions pictures will be posted up soon, yo! :)

for now, listen to 1 of our originals, Seasons (it may say seasonings, like black sauce, chilli sauce, ketchup, but it's not ok. seasons as in winter summer seasons. don't ask me why):

CLICK HERE!

BY THE WAY, we're called SHOT. :) come support us if you DO like this song and IF we DO get to play at ben and jerry's okie? i tell you, the PHISH FOOD (not fish food hor) ice cream... IS SHIOK. will let you in on the details soon :D

Click here to be SHOT dead. (not funny, i know, just click here and don't think so much larh)

BTW, you can add us if you wanna.. :)

blog inspiration #388

2007-05-09T19:06:00.000+08:00

blogger's being a beeeeach and not letting me blog.

but just because i've got a screwed up blogger doesn't mean i can't blog right?

um.. right??

eh, who the hell are you?

EH, lousy burger, YOU CANNOT MAKE IT LAR, GO GET EATEN AND BE DONE WITH IT.

anyway,

driven by mr. act jap-but-failed-miserably-because-it's-a-burger's motivation,

I SHALL BLOG

...

argh.. cannot increase text size...

nvm just imagine "i shall blog" is occupying your whole screen now. :)

all i can say is...

I'M SO HAPPY I'M GONNA GET A $10 BORDERS VOUCHER!

*imagine the latter is in large bold text with plenty of colours.*

yay!

*imagine the latter is in large bold text with plenty of colours... again.*

$10 ONLY.

nvm la. better than nothing, if you look at the bigger picture, youth.sg is like giving $10 bucks to the top 20 people, so they're like spending $200 bucks instead of adding a portable hard disk to the macbook lah. so nice right?!

aiseh, propaganda ah?

*BUAY PAISEH*

speaking of BUAY PAISEH, if you liked my worx post, vote for me under "BUAY PAISEH" on the right ok?

i'll not be undergoing any intensive campaigning to rally votes like others MIGHT do, *not saying they WILL do hor, i don't even know them, i'm new to this leh... GIMME CHAN LAR.(in case you dunno what that was, it's "give me a chance")*

*by the way, that's me kissing the me 17 years ago. i'm not a paedophile, i'm a narcissist. :)

but still, i'm so happy that i'm in the top 20!

it's like......

STAR AWARDS!

"i'd like to thank my mother, my father, my dog, my neighbour, myself and myself... and myself... oh did i forget myself? yup. without them, this won't be possible... THANKYOU!"

anyway, like i said, i won't be doing intensive campaigning so if you like it just vote it ok? 18 hor. EIGHTEEN. like, M18 that EIGHTEEN.. only not M but B ok?

top 20 lah, HOW COOL IS THAT?

MORE COMING TOMORROW! cya

ps. they got it all wrong, i DON'T don't like the word worx, i love it. it's cuz whenever someone uses that, it amuses me. :)

blog inspiration #387

2007-05-03T09:47:00.000+08:00

a story not suitable for children's books:

A Fish That Wanted To Explore Land.

Timmy the Fish was a guppy. A happy little guppy. He always had friends swimming with him. One day, Timmy was bored and wanted to find something interesting to do. He looked through the glass of the fish tank and wondered to himself what it was like to go outside. So, Timmy decided to swim out of the tank to explore the land. Timmy tried his best to jump out of the tank and when he did,

he died.

THE END.

blog inspiration #386

2007-05-03T07:24:00.000+08:00

MUST ALL GUYS HAVE TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT SOCCER TO TALK TO EACH OTHER?

i hope not.

i was talking to my supervisor just now and other than soccer, WE TALKED ABOUT NOTHING WHATSOEVER. talk about having PR skills.

ok you caught me,

i know all about soccer as much as britney spears knows about rocket science:

practically ZIP.

ok maybe not that bad lah. i still play fifa 06 and won the league season.

it's like britney knows that rocket science is for rockets.

but that's a 2 year old game, played by 10 year old kids and maybe E'to.

i simply don't understand why guys like to sit in front of the tv and watch a match all through the 90 minutes. and when the score is nil, everyone complains.

"eh, boring lah this match"

my attention span is as much as 5 cm. whenever i TRY to sit down to watch a match, i'll eventually move over to eat, talk online, shing shong, etc.
that's how bad i can be.

why don't they just watch the highlights where everything there is GAO DIM. just switch on the tv and

GOAL!

score already.

maybe i should start memorising players in the soccer teams and start watching matches more often so that i can at least talk to my supervisor hor. and maybe i'll blog about my escapades in: in pursuit of SOCCER KNOWLEDGE. AYE SEH!

i haven't even written a second edition of WYS (bimbo shoes) yet.

i'll do it soon! paris hilton is within my grasp! WAHAHAHAHA...

i think talking crap about paris hilton and jay chou is more interesting than soccer.

no wonder i don't have any PR skills.

everyone loves paris hilton right?

but nobody loves jay chou lah.

blog inspiration #385

2007-04-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

jay chou can't sing. he's only good at acting emo.

but he jaywalks quite well tho'.

blog inspiration #384

2007-04-24T23:06:00.001+08:00

hey people!

i caught 200 pound beauty today, and guess what?

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN IS COMING OUT ON MAY 24TH! WOO!

keira knightley, keira knightley, keira knightley, keira knightley...

i love skinny people.

speaking of which,

at first when i saw the fat version of kim ah joong in the show, i was mildly disgusted. but when i saw the slimmer, sexier, hotter, prettier, skinnier version of her, i was like..

OMG!!!

ok only la.

ok maybe she's cute at certain angles and she's super cute when she squeaks, and she's cute when she tries to act hot but cannot act hot, act coy but cannot act coy.

oh man, i'm THAT shallow.

ok fine, that's not me holding hands with gwyneth paltrow, half of me wishes i am, half of me doesn't. the other half says i'm not THAT fat..

er..

right?

but ANYWAY,

the last asian film i caught was.... curse of the golden huay. apart from gong li and her discovery channel covered boobs and man li and her manly pects, the film was a total flop. (except maybe the part where they teach you how to mass produce kek huay zui((chrysanthemum tea)), NOW I KNOW HOW YEO'S DID IT..) see:

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2006_11_26_archive.html

for that show, i gave 1 out of 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 stars.

for this show, i'm giving...
1 out of 2 stars!

it's a tremendous improvement from the ah huay show. maybe asian shows aren't going down the dumps after all..

and here come the scary part.

i ALMOST cried in the show.

but my MANLY instincts kicked in and i DIDN'T ok?

amanda ling (you know how much i love her.. :D): OHHHHHhhhhh Ben! how did you do that you manly chunk of muscles, brains, brawn and intellectual superiority?

ben: easy!! my logical brainwaves starting moving!

see that japanese and korean shows rely mostly on music and sound to stimulate a person's right brain, causing him/her to feel certain kind of emotions they want to portray.

take for example, ju-on:

not THAT scary right?

*sound wave courtesy of www.eng.umu.se/monster/john/sound_music.htm

oooo, personally, i think the picture's scary enough. i won't dare to go to my own blog anymore... :(

it's all in the music, man.

similarly,

if a person cries (real or fake) and they play high tensioned, emotional music, the bum watching the movie will feel what the actress/actor feels and he/she will start to get emotional too la.

don't believe me? watch the show.

in other words, if our whole life was orchestrated musically, we would all be more emotional people, we would scold with more anger, cry with more sadness, laugh with more happiness... well, you catch my drift.

for me, on the other hand, if music were to orchestrate my life, they'd record it down and sell my music as "insomiac's dream: sleep 101."

wa.. long post, but i don't dare to look at my blog anymore.. :(

blog inspiration #383

2007-04-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

what would you do when you put 3 guys, a camera and an lcd/ohp projector together?

*drum roll*

you'd get an budget cost, authentic ipod advertisement!

sorry you'll have to tilt your head for this one, budget cuts did not allow for video editing and enhancement. we are THAT poor. we will NOT be held responsible for neck fractures/sprains, do not claim insurance money under us or we'll sue you till your last SGD$0.05. tilt the monitor lah.

Credits:

black sillouhette 1: Benjamin Tan

black sillouhette 2: Marcus Chua

Benjamin Tan: Benjamin Tan

Marcus Chua: Marcus Chua

stuntman 1: Benjamin Tan

stuntman 2: Marcus Chua

camera: Nokia N70 & N73

camera crew: Mark Chia

LCD projector

OHP projector

OHP Screen

Ben and Marcus' Ipods

Home Theatre System

Music:

Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

special thanks to:

stool for camera crew to sit on

room for dancing and going wild without getting paiseh.

Christina Ng for laughing so loud.

Benjamin Tan and Marcus Chua for choreographing the dance

this programme was recorded in front of a live studio audience.

no animal was harmed/experimented on/humped during the recording.

stunts were performed by highly trained professional stuntmen under strict conditions and safety regulations were being adhered to. DO NOT try this at home.

*rating to be advised

blog inspiration #382

2007-04-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

today, while i was innocently walking down a block, a bird flew towards me and pecked my eyes. to me, birds pecking my eyes meant that i should blog. so here i am.

lately, i seem to take kennysia.com's site with interest. either because his blog IS really funny, or i'm just too bored at work to find some other things to do. i could do a million and one things, i could watch family guy, eat ovaltine sweets, sweep the floor, feed the fish, save the world from evil dr. beebeebabeebu, find a wife at match.com, find a husband at match.com, save the world from the evil aH LiaNx, watch more family guy, eat more ovaltine sweets and get diabetes, offer to sweep other classes' floors, feed more fish, and save the world from my arch nemesis: the evil dr. i-know-what-you-did-last-summer-cuz-i-was-with-you-the-whole-time-you-stupid-brainless-idiot.

while kenny sia is going for some lesbian convention, i'm here stuck in my own ah lian convention world, speaking in benglish. so MAYBE it's time for me to crawl out of my own shell and start travelling out of my house.

let's see where did i go.. hmm...

there's this other time i went to the toilet at the kopitiam...

and another time i went to the toilet at ANOTHER kopitiam... AH HA! different kopitiam, see?..

and then i went for an S-League match, but was not as interesting as the kopitiam toilet i went to..

then i went to the north pole, slightly more interesting than the S-League match, but still cannot beat the kopitiam toilet..

oh, and did i mention i bought a 1000 mega pixel camera?!

HA.. don't believe me right..

THERE:

not cheap ok?

ARGHHHHH..... i'm too lazy to photoshop. so this is blog without pictures, (machiam song without words lah.)

*A NEW AND ASTOUNDING FIND!*

overkill words frequently used by THEM.

1.whenever they post self portraits of themselves, captions like, "wHuZ ThiS?" or "TaT'z mOii!" or "uGLy PiG" usually appear.

2. the people they hate most are usually (quote) LiaR , betRayEr , BacKSTubbEr aLsO PlaYinG WiF pPl FeElIng & TrUsTwoRthy ! (unquote) (don't ask me where i got it from.) can someone tell me what's a backstubber? is it someone who, after smoking, stubs his cigarette on your back? it's a new word in my ah lian/beng dictionary. and i didn't know backtubbers also playing with people feeling and trustworthy... whatever that means..

it's BENGLISH people! BENGLISH!

3. "jUx a siMpLe gUy/gAL/GurL/GeR" yup... veryyyy simple sentence, veryyyy complicating letterings.

4. and finally: wOrX. period.

looks like i'll be stuck in this ah lian convention for a long long long time..

to end off, here's my signature signing off.

*~~Mii LuBChu dEEp DeEP, MiZ eU LoTx LOtX woRx!!~~*

v1.3

blog inspiration #381

2007-04-12T08:16:00.000+08:00

JUMPING JELLYBEANS!

after reading kennysia.com's blog posts, i found out that the reason why people have sooooooo much crap to blog about is that they get to travel overseas and they get to attend important functions and stay in crappy hotels ,they take pictures using their GOOD camera, and they have a highly imaginative mind. and guess what?

I HAVE NONE OF THEM!

boo hoo.

I WANNA GET TO TRAVEL OVERSEAS AND ATTEND HIGHLY IMPORTANT FUNCTIONS (like..... S League matches?) AND STAY IN CRAPPY HOTELS (k maybe not that), TAKE PICTURES USING MY ULTRA GOOD 1000 MEGA PIXEL CAMERA, AND BLOG IMAGINATIVELY LIKE... ... ... AND BLOG IMAGINATIVELY! (see.. no imagination.)

i know! i shall go somewhere important now and i'll be back to blog ok? :)

blog inspiration #380

2007-04-09T10:43:00.000+08:00

i wanted to do a #wys version of a bimbo

BUT KENNYSIA.COM HAS BEATEN ME TO IT!!!!!

ARGH!

http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2006/04/kenny_sia_attem.php

but damn funny tho.. :D

should I still do it anyway?

what do YOU think? :)

blog inspiration #379

2007-03-30T11:14:00.000+08:00

side note: this is my 379th blog post. :D

you know how everyone says about being in "other people's shoes" to understand them better?

well.. today i've decided to wear a pair of ah lian shoes.

WEAR YOUR SHOES (WYS) #1: Ah lian's shoes.

puts on shoes..

HihI EveRYBoDy!~~** mI nAMe iZ SuZy nEo aKa Ah SU, oR SU, oR MiMi!~~ mI iZ a stO.odentx. mI sTUdyY iN sEc 3 tIs yRx. mI GoT boIfRen whO iZ caLLed Ah MeNG, hE iZ moII bAoBEI dAHLInG~~~ mI lUBChU dEEp DeEp MiZ Eu LoT lOT woRx~~!!**

mI dUnnO wAd TuX BloG AcTuALLi, duNNo wAd TuX sAYy HerE AlSo

HAiYA, tELL Eu AbT mI LarX~~

mI goT fAmiLy iN SkOoL woRx~ Moii DaDDiE aH NiU, mOmMiE sAmAnThA, mOOn JIe, LiAn JiE, mArCuS KoRR n SiSSy mEii. mI luB THeM ALL WoRx!!~~**

thANx gUYx 4 aLWayS bEiNg deRE tUX encOUraGe mIi whENeVEr ii'm dOwn.thANx alOT.. =))

N 4 Moii DaHLinGx bAoBeiX, thAnX 4 aLWayS bEIng dERe tuX aCc mIi wHEnEVer ii'm aLone.Nt 4geTTiNg tUx mAKe mii haPPi n alWaAys fiLl w lAUghTer.luBb eUu!~~**DeaR DeaR aLwaYs LovE Xiao BaoBei.. BabY MusT Be MorE InDePenDanT Ok? EvErYDaY eU R tHe OnE WhO KePt Mi GoinG.. EvEry MoMenT i ThinK oF eU.. EvErY ParT oF Mi WisHes To Be WiTh eU.. EvErY ThoUGhTs Mi HoLd RevOLeS AbOuT eU.. EvErY NiTe mi Think Of YouR SwEeT LiPeS.. YouR BiG EyEs.. YouR CuTe FaCe.. YouR MesMeriZinG SmiLe.. MoRe ImPorTanTLy.. ThE FirST TimE i MeT eU.. ALwaYs LovE eU..aLwaYs MiSS eU..

Mi LuB tO EaT SlEEp liKE a PiGGy, MiI LuB SHE!!!!!~~~~** aNd ZhOu JiE lUn iS vERi ShUai! Mii lUB mOi DarLiNg bAoBEi. i LuB To PlAY pOOlx~

MiI HaTe ChAo Ah LiANx, ChaO mUggERx, bAcKsTaBBeRx N bACksTrEET bOiX.

Mi ThiNk mI vERi pReTTy woRx!~~ *pUKeZieSxX* sO bHb!! LoLxXXx~~**

oH yAr HorX, mI alSo lUb Mi nEW sHoEx! SeE!~ nIcE rIteX!?~~**

*takes off shoes....*

OMG, i just sold my soul to the ah lian devil... nioooooooooooooooooo..........z....

2007-03-27T11:10:00.000+08:00

this was what ben tan thought guys and girls were like in 2003,

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2003/09/hmm.html

this is what ben tan thinks guys and girls are like in 2007:

The 2007 Truth About Girls

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's faking it.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to wear a ball guard before touching her.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.) either that, or she also won't be able to find anything to love about the guy she loves (after they get married)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys, she'll think how lousy you are at flirting with her and may consider breaking up with you.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will call the police and charge him for sexual harrassment.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, over and over and over and over again.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start ignoring him. So if you don't treat a girl just as a friend, smile and stare more k?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, smile and stare more k?

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still don't treat her as a friend, smile and stare more k?

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel... A LOT. Music, poetry, drawings, gossiping in the toilet and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals and spend more time in the toilet than guys).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in any way, she'll never do housework if she ever marries you.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off, being too stupid won't do any good either.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news. But when the guy she likes calls her again and again and again and again, the girl WILL be uninterested during the call and as soon as the phone is banck on the hook, she'll start laughing with her friends about the conversation. (like how his toe twitches when he reads a book..)

14. A smile means a lot to a girl, in fact, any expression means alot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you. Then if you don't like her, smile and stare more k?

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, you can just jump off your HDB estate now.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, too late, you've already jumped off your HDB estate.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Don't ever. You've been warned.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful. hearing the words "i lubchu" is a great confirmation to a girl that you are an ah beng.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before. after she falls out of love with the guy, she'll wonder why she noticed him in the 1st place.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, don't read this.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself. if it's a guy who's better looking that her crush, she'll have a new crush, if it's a girl, she'll kill her.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart. just like how her ex-crush will always be in the obituary, but the guy she loves will be in the front page.

24. Girls love having fun! Guys love having fun! See! there's finally something guys and girls have in common.

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day. A complicated 'Hi' can brighten your lips red.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through, that's why they come in a form of a diamond.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend, just as their 'prettier' friend hates it when guys pay attention to their friend. it's a vicious cycle.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, just as love means car, cash and carmen electra to a man
.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who has 2 hand and 2 legs.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved by CLEO's eligible bachelor.

Things Guys Want Girls To Know in 2007!!

1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are, we're worse
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS an ass hole, and he no longer lives on earth.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too, sometimes 3, sometimes 4...
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful, you're telling us we're blind.
5. Don't treat us like shit, without shit, there won't be plants.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reasons we're going out with you. If not, we'd have smiled and stared more k?
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us. also don't go into detail about your class periods, it scares us even more.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and you can go home... please?
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool. as much as our armpit hair, nostril hair, nipple hair.. etc.......
10. We never shave our legs. we're too lazy to.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It scares us.
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't. So tell us, so we can make sure you win and we'll split the money.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, we're lying.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter, they're out of reach for you.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee. and MOST OF US we take a shorter time than you.
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong." it means "HAHA we told you so." though we'd rather not say it out loud.
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. or you can go boyfriend hunting again.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes. like what movie to watch, what to eat, which toilet to use.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause either one of us will end up in the obituaries.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". it's like kicking a dog in the nuts to see if they'd tear you apart.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you. cuz you better pray that you get to see tomorrow if you do.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but who cares? there's other hollywood stars to look at now.
23. Size does matter.
24. PMS is not an excuse, it's a privilege not to go army.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done. until someone invents a toilet seat that stays in the middle.
26. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was or he won't be cute anymore.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.....but before his stomach is his small intestines, and large intestines and... oh never mind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. period.
29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends. we will also notice how hilarious it is after we literally rip your heart out, stick it up your... and still want to stick it down your throat.
30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, so we'll give you the definition of wrong when we see you the next time.

3 more days.

2007-03-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

till 18th of march.

exactly one year ago, i was in thailand "celebrating" what has got to be the worst birthday of my life.

this year, i'm about to "celebrate" what has got to be the oldest birthday of my life.

who else celebrates the world's best day apart from easter?

let me count thy ways..

Birthdays
1977 Devin Lima (member of lfo) (dunno who.)
1970 Queen Latifah (some actress cum singer is it?)
1964 Bonnie Blair (speed skater) (dunno who.)
1963 Vanessa Williams (singer, model) (she's saved the best for last :))
1959 Irene Cara (singer, actor) (dunno who.)
1947 Barrie (B.J.) Wilson (musician) (dunno who.)
1943 Leslie Parrish (Fleck) (actress) (dunno who.)
1941 Wilson Pickett (singer) (dunno who.)
1941 Margie Bowes (country entertainer) (dunno who.)
1938 Charley Pride (country singer) (dunno who.)
1936 F. W. deKlerk (south african president) (dunno who.)
1932 John Updike (writer) 1927 George Plimpton (author)(dunno who.)
1926 Peter Graves (Aurness) (actor) (dunno who.)
1911 Smiley (Lester) Burnette (actor) (dunno who.)
1886 Edward Everett Horton (Narrator, actor) (i know him! he's... some guy.)
1844 Nikolai Rimski-Korsakov (composer) (i think he's... nvm.)
1837 Grover (Stephen) Cleveland (22nd & 24th President)(aren't they the.... nah..)
1782 John Calhoun (US Vice President) (I....... dunno.)
1452 Amerigo Vespucci (navigator) (AH HA!!!..... no wait.. wrong guy.)

either i've not been networking enough, or i'm just stupid.

n i know being a catholic, i shouldn't believe in what i am about to show you, but WHAT THE HECK.

March 2007...
For most of this month the Sun illuminates your sign. It’s the centrifugal force that all the other planets revolve around, including our own third rock - planet earth. The Sun is the energy source of our world and its presence in your sign signals a new life cycle unfolding. Just like the concentric rings in the old growth trees, each year tells a story. The tradition of your own birthday has astral origins. It’s both revolution and evolution and you’re about to add another chapter to your life. For some Pisceans these new beginnings will be undeniable. So let’s talk about them. (sorry, i'll switch it to english.)

Those born on, or near March 12 feel the squaring Moon affecting career aspirations and may re-align their status, or place greater concentration on career matters. But perhaps it’s the Pisceans sharing a birthdate around the Solar Eclipse of March 19 and 20, who notice this directional change most of all. (HA, i don't see my job as aspiring..)

Having the Sun and Moon together on your birthday can create a cutting edge focus to carve out a new future for yourself starting now. The eclipse squaring control planet Pluto generally asks you to take charge, even if it sometimes has strange ways of putting you in the drivers seat.
The Water Moon guides you toward emotional equilibrium, easy expression and support on the (AEST) 8th and 9th, 17th and 18th and 25th, 26th and 27th.

yada yada yada.. blah blah blah... i have no idea how they actually predict your future just by looking at the moon move 1 x 10^400000 lightyears away from the sun.

is it? i dunno..

oh well.. may the good Lord bless me. :)

for those waiting for the hong bao draw..

2007-03-02T07:46:00.000+08:00

Stars Are Blind (sang to the tune of Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton)

I don't mind spending some time
shading those circles for you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
that love toto as much as you
Those other guys wanna earn a quick buck they bet big
But when they lose they commit suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupidity
But you can see the smart me inside
$10 million, oh yea, ohh

I hope that the gods are crazy
I hope that the stars are blind
If you show me numbers baby
I'll show you moneyy

you can make me nice and naughty
win the devil and angel too
Got a pencil and toto paper
Let's see what these numbers can do
Baby i'll give some to you

10 million, ohh oh

I could be your sugar daddy
Just one enough already
But I know that winning's what we want
when later the draw opens
Why shouldn't we be rich by winning toto?
Now tell me numbers you've been dreaming of
89 68? oh no, ohh

I hope that the gods are crazy
I hope that the stars are blind
If you show me numbers baby
I'll show you moneyy

you can make me nice and naughty
win the devil and angel too
Got a pencil and toto paper
Let's see what these numbers can do
Baby i'll give some to you

Excuse me please siam,
This moment is critical
teletext i'm opening
I could get physical, oh no, no no

I hope that the gods are crazy
I hope that the stars are blind
If you show me numbers baby
I'll show you moneyy

you can make me nice and naughty
win the devil and angel too
Got a pencil and toto paper
Let's see what these numbers can do
Let's see what these numbers can do
Baby i'll give some to you

Baby I'm getting rich too

I hope that the gods are crazy

I hope that the stars are blind

I hope that the gods are crazy

I hope that the stars are blind

-----

GOOD LUCK TO THOSE WHO BOUGHT TOTO

MAY U STRIKE BIG BIG!

n can share with me too k? haha

reminiscence of a certain "a" level student.

2007-03-01T07:41:00.000+08:00

http://altonesax.blogspot.com/2004_09_19_archive.html

for those taking o/a levels, please don't end up like me.. :)

*takes in a deep breath..

2007-02-27T07:50:00.000+08:00

happynewyearhappyvalentine'sdaygongxifachaididyougotochurchonash
wednesdaysorryfortakingsodamnlongtoblogbecausei'mnow21yearsold
thisyearnot15soihavetofindajobotherwisei'llbejoblessnothomelessandthen
icannotfeedmywifeandfifteenkidsorthey'llstarveandit'llbemyfaultfornot
gettingajobsothereforei'mhavingajobnowandrarelybloggingcuzihavetowake
upatsixa.m.everymorningandreachhomeattenintheeveningtheabovestatement
isalltrueexceptformehavingawifeandfifteenkidsandthembeingstarvedtodeath
termsandconditionsapplythisismyalmosttwomonthpostsallsummarisedintoone.

*breathes normally..

ok lar. i felt guilty when my dear daughter of mine updated her blog and i didn't ok? :P

but there're a number of reasons why i've been on hiatus, i'm serious!

1) i'm working and have to wake up at 6 every morning and sleep at 12 at night. even though i have nothing much to do at work, there's very limited access so i can't install photoshop into the computer.. (OH THE HORROR!!!)

2) paris hilton song is stuck in my head... *Da-da,Da-da, Da-da, Da,Da-da, Da-da, Da-da, Da, nothing in this world can stop us tonight. i can do what she can do so much better. nothing in this world can turn out the light, i'm gonna make you feel alright tonight... da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

3) no. 2's not a very good reason, but have you ever wondered why she's so sexy on the cd cover and not in real life? PHOTOSHOP LAR... (that's why there's a need to photoshop to blog.)

4) i'm supposed to be giving reasons why i've not been blogging right?

5) i think the 1st reason's the only reason..

there's been bulletin posts on "12 things idiots do on friendster". why do i have a feeling it's written by some smart aleck monkey from singapore?

let us investigate this SERIOUS matter, SERIOUSLY:

ONE there is NO SUCH THING as a friendster tracker. it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid bulletins like"who views your profile the most" or"OMG this works!!!"sorry but NO, it doesnt work!

only ah bengs, ah lians, really bored people, and those who often get viruses in their computer do that.. now we know why singaporeans change computers like they're changing handphones, which in turn, are like drinking water

SINGAPOREAN? yes.

TWO Those who owned alot of accounts of friendster.WHATS THE POINT ADDING THE SAME FRIEND?stop doing stupid things like sending lots of same repeated message on bulettin with the subject ADD ME!!

there's a number of people who do that, most of them join groups like "AhLiansUnite!" or "S.H.E." or "5566(not some 4D number hor)". those groups, in turn will leave testimonials for them like "TANKIEW 4 JOINING SHE CLUB WORX!!~~" and then post some ugly picture.

PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!!!!! :(

for those who do not join groups and really have alot of friends,
1) either they are so damn popular
2) or they are so damn bored.

SINGAPOREAN? yes.

THREE Don't ever post pictures and say"OMG, I'm so ugly""OMG, I'm so fat"because if you were,you wouldn't post them. And if u do ur a freaking mongoloid.

i've checked up the meaning of mongoloid in dictionary.com

"mongoloid Offensive A person affected with Down syndrome. "

this word is not used anymore... meaning.. it must be some smart aleck who, like me, go to dictionary.com and searched for the meaning of his name and found the word: retard, then he went over to the thesaurus section and found the word mongoloid.

SINGAPOREAN? ermmm... maybe not.

FOUR Nobody cares about threats over the internet.Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics;even if you win, you're still retarded.

HOHOHO.. singapore doesn't have special olympics, they can't even host a regular olympics.

SINGAPOREAN? nope.

FIVE Quit crying b/c you're not on someones top 8. who cares? ITS FRIENDSTER!!! Stop bitching!!!

how'd he know if people cries when they're not on top 8 unless
1) either they actually cried and sent him a video of them doing it or they post it on friendster.
2) or he actually cries.

i think it's no. 2

SINGAPOREAN? somebody cried when it is no longer part of a group before on tv.. but that was not part of your childhood, unless you are 60+ years old reading this blog.

so.. yup

SIX Who really cares if I don't accept you as a friend? MOVE ON!!! Don't send me another request or message asking;"what's up with you not adding me?"I don't want you to be my friend,SO BEAT IT!!!GET LOST!!!

wa.. popular ah someone?

SEVEN Little 12 year olds who have Friendster and look like sluts, and act like whores go somewhere else because nobody wants you here.

maybe some pri 6es wear tanktops and mini skirts out to orchard road, but do they know what's friendster in a primary school? i hope not..

SINGAPOREAN? na...

EIGHT If you have decided to read this, you are a true Friendster Friend.
Real friends read their bulletins.

if you sing the national anthem loudly, you are a true singaporean.

same logic

SINGAPOREAN? yup

NINE I hope you all will go and pass this on and maybe it will finally get through those idiotic fool's brains!

and i hope you get syphillis for contradicting yourself.

TEN And if you open a bulletin and it says something like;"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghostwill come and find you tonight"or"your loved ones are going to diewithin 10days"QUIT BEING A DUMBASS!! WHICH STUPID FOOL IS SO FOOLISH TO BELIEVE IT ANYWAY?THERE NO SUCH THINGS!!!!

THERE NO SUCH THINGS!!!!........ SINGAPOREAN.

ELEVEN To the people who have like 25,000 friends, are you serious? You're stupid. Go play in traffic.

this is very singaporean: play in traffic, get caught by police, kenna fined for playing in traffic, call parents, parents scold, kenna grounded.

TWELVE Since when did testimonials become personal messages and love letters?as far as i know testimonial is what you know about your frens.why all the lovey-dovey messages seems to pop up everywhere?like,#8220;llluuuuuuuuurrrrrrvvvvvveeeeeeyou sooooooo muchdeeeeeaaariiiieeeeeeeee#8221;#8220;thanks for adding me as yourfren, muackz#8221;EWW!! that's totally disgusting.QUIT IT!!!

OMG... you're so cute worx!~** SINGAPOREAN.

This is a test to see how many people in your friends list actually pay attention to you.pls copy and paste this bulletin and put the title as"12 things idiots do on Friendster"

12 things idiots do on friendster

and one thing a mongoloid does on friendster bulletin: think of 12 things idiots do on Friendster.

-----

i was supposed to investigate if it was a singaporean who wrote this... man.. i have to get my priorities right..

MA.. i wanna be a soldier when I grow up!

2007-01-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

army is so dull.. they should spice up their advertising campaigns to make it more appealing so that younger generations can look at it and resolve to grow up into a soldier.

instead of this..

why not this?

or if you are promoting anti-sign on campaigns you can go from this

to this;

in our world, contrasts in pictures give a larger impact than words.

we also never mistake beautiful from beauty

some advertisments can have hidden agenda too:

obviously they tried REALLY hard to hide this agenda.

advertisments can have subtle meanings behind them.

but most importantly, they have to give a local touch to appeal to the country they are advertising in.

2007-01-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

There're some things which I simply don't understand..

Is it 500 bucks or is it free?

yay.. finally caught curse of the kek huay zueeee (chrysanthemum tea).

my critic: 1 out of 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 stars. just 1/2 a star less than this blog's rating.

it sucked.

the story line sucked (which by the way, killing the manly pecs girl wasn't the plot although I thought this story line is way better than the actual one.),

the fighting scenes (oh wait a min, it's scenes) sucked. (just another gigantic way of how to make chrysanthemum tea: get a giant cheese grater and run through the flowers with soldiers romping on it.)

li man should get more roles in the show. (to recap..

)

and to make matters worse..

INCEST! EEEEEYERRRR...

i think the only saving grace was when gong li and li man start walking very quickly or running, if you know what i mean... nyahahaha

'nuff said.. i better catch some shut eye.

2006-12-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

for the sake of those who keep entering my blog only to find miss modern-ancient-china gong li and for little children all over the world,

I SHALL BLOG.

firstly, i'd like to apologise the lack of attention i gave to my blog and secondly, i'd like to take this opportunity to mourn for the loss of aloy lee's blog. let's take a moment of silence to remember the good times we had in aloy lee's blog.

and lastly,

ok from now on.. it's going to be random random random.

i was digging into my files n folders inside my computer and guess what i found!?

i found the reason why i'm so into ah bengs, ah lians, ah sengs, worx, lub euux and what not!

BARNEY'S THE REASON! :)

oh and baby bob too. (eh i watch barney the dinosaur one ok?)

ripped this off somewhere last time.. hilarious!

mine and andrea goh's arty farty work :)

MY DISCIPLINE MASTER! woots.. michael tan, i'll miss you and your beady eyes catching girls with short skirts.

you could tell how much i love him when i was in school huh.

hoho! shake your booty!

no really.

shake your booty

like literally.

yup that's about it..

JOKES TIME!

if you know pop has a japanese version called j pop
do you know walk has a japanese version called jwalk? (jaywalk. GETTIT? omg.. i crack myself up.)

what do you name your japanese son?
json! (jason. GETTIT? omg.. i could just kill myself now.)

last but not least..

angelina "gay" owes me a present! cuz she's the bestest best of best best any best could be best at! :)

goodernite!

I UPDATED, WHY NOT YOU?

2006-12-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

i'm physically and emotionally drained

i've been disappointed for the upteenth time

i've been discouraged

i've been squeezed

i've been procrastinating

i'm tired.

merry christmas.

Curse Of The Golden Ah Huay. (NC16 post)

2006-11-29T12:33:00.000+08:00

did i tell you that i LOVE GONG-LI?

no?

that's cuz i don't.

but her new role in the upcoming film, curse of the golden flower, (AH HUAY, FLOWER, GEDDIT? i crack myself up.) leaves the imagination of men to run wild and those who buy the dvd later on will play it in slow motion, over n over n over n over n over n over n over n over n over again.

don't understand what i'm talking about? let me show it to you:

(can't you tell i'm in a christmas mood?)

seriously, if that line there were to be any shorter, no one will give two hoots about the show. it'll be like a documentary starring jay chou. (he's acting in this in case you don't know.)

sad huh..

there's another actress who wants to be like GONG-LI in this movie.

introducing.. LI-MAN (i introduced her to you cuz i don't know who the hell is she)

(oh christmas tree, of christmas tree....)

just imagine the conversation between them..

don't you think she looks muscular in this picture?

ok i'm evil i know..

oh and i mentioned that jay chou's in the movie too, he plays the part of the emperor's son for your info. :)

what? you don't believe me that this is him?

fine.. all you unbelieving infidels.. BELIEVE THIS!

k i'm evil i know..

anyone wanna catch this show with me?! :)

2006-11-28T00:30:00.001+08:00

worxmonger.. HAHAHAHHA...

2006-11-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

I lUB THiS sonG woRx!~~~!~!!~

2006-11-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

let's talk about school today.

school is supposed to be a place for study right? where interruptions are minimal and slave driv... i mean teachers are supposed to be there to GUIDE you and make you study right?

it is not to do this:

(candid shot)

but to do this:

(posed, NC16 shot)

Case Study time!

adopting a proper posture for studying.

posed studying: this student is looking as if he is studing but actually, he is trying to use his magic glasses to try to get all the answers to the questions.

verdict: WRONG WAY OF STUDYING.

distracted studying: if this student is pretending to study, he has failed miserably. note the lecturer is actually in front of him, not at the side of him. actually, he is sniggering at the aforementioned student for posing as a nerd.

verdict: WRONG WAY OF STUDYING.

either studying or looking at other students: i think he is sleeping.

verdict: proper posture but NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

REALLY studying: note the head leaning against clenched fists with elbows on the table method. GOOD way of studying, and also a GOOD way of pretending to study but actually sleeping.

verdict: supposedly correct way of studying.

a picture speaks a thousand words, in this case: 147 words.

respect for slave driv... i mean teachers is also important. (moral education)

when a teacher's back is turned on you:

never do this:

or this:

it's disrespectful. ok?

all in all.. you should just be a good student and study hard for your examinations. you wouldn't want to be the LOSER OF SOCIETY right?

so study hard ok?

2006-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

(photoshopped by ME hor.)

That's right!

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

(colours inspired by JOCHEBED TAN SHAN MIN)

i've got tonnes of christmas wishes for santa claus this year. and i do hope i've been nice not naughty enough to have them granted! :)

2006 has really been a headache for me. mainly because of army. i hope santa gives all the army camps a "guide to gay sex" book for each and everyone inside cuz everyone's so gay.

but.. all's well that ends well! i'm outta camp so i don't get the guidebook! *aww* good luck to those doing guard duty on christmas night. you've earned it! :D

I CHRISTMAS!

and in 5 more days, i'll be able to walk! (i hope..)

countdown with me ppl! :)

and have a Merry Shopping Christmas Sales Month!

I CAN'T WAIT TILL I TURN 21!

2006-11-16T13:35:00.000+08:00

that's right.. my birthday's coming soon! REAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY soon.. like 4.5 months soon :D you can start planning for my surprise birthday party soon! :D

2006-11-16T11:08:00.000+08:00

sessbom, sessbom, you'r my sessbom.

(person with lisp singing sexbomb.)

2006-11-14T11:52:00.000+08:00

I should lay off blogging about worx, ah bengs and such for a while,

i'm quite sick of it already, aren't you?

let's talk about music!

HOW CAN PEOPLE STAND TECHNO?

OH, I know why!

cuz they're AH BENGS!

but i already said i should not talk about them.

so let's give them a code word: worxers.

BUT I ALSO CANNOT TALK ABOUT WORX!

man.. it's gonna be a tough one..

let's give them.... Ah Beng's Right to Sell Music.

ABRSM. (currently i've got something against ABRSM, so there you go.)

ABRSM shall be the code word.

in case you don't know what ABRSM is, i'll give you 5 mins to google it and check it out.

k your 5 mins are up.

back to my current topic.

HOW CAN PEOPLE STAND TECHNO?

OH, I know why!

cuz they're AH B.. i mean.. ABRSM!

Ah ha! :D

sorry la i'm on budget so you get low quality songs to listen to. (this is already the mildest of all techno songs so you should thank me)

anyway..

yea.. would you rather listen to THAT

or this.

OF COURSE YOU'LL SAY THE 2ND ONE RIGHT?

otherwise, you shouldn't even be here ABRSM. go listen to your techno music at your void deck lar.

where was I?

oh ya.

how can you stand the loud repetitive bass number, the loud repetitive accompaniment, and the loud bryan adams wannabe?

even the artist's name is damn ABRSM.

there's a mood for every type of music

BUT NOT THIS ONE!

except for techno clubs..

which i feel the government SHOULD close it down, sell the DAMN club, and stop raising GST.

DAMN.. I ended up talking about them again. When will this end?!

2006-11-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

to those who find my previous post offensive..

I'M SORRY..

1. that you ever used that forbidden word "worx" before

2. that you are an ah beng/lian.

3. that you frequently use "worx" on your XiAO baO BEi.

4. that you sound like an ewok in star wars.

5. that your vocabulary is extremely limited.

6. that you have no vocabulary at all.

7. that you worship the worx god.

8. that you have epilepsy

9. for you.

there. i've said it.

PLEASE STOP USING THAT WORD! i get the goosebumps just reading it.

AND PLEASE DON'T USE IT ON ME!

or better yet.

PLEASE DON'T USE IT ON ANYONE!

if you need exorcism, call me.

i should have posted this before the IMF/world bank congress, the economy would have been way better if not for worx.

if you're guilty of it, there's always pills available in the pharmacy for you.

worx.

I AM @ Youth.SG: word of the century: WORX.

2006-11-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

HEALTH ADVISORY WARNING!

What is worx?

worx wôr'z - derived from the chinese word, 哦, meaning oh? really? is that so?

How is worx used?

Worx is always used at the end of a sentence to emphasise the intent of the user.

For example,

oMg! HeBE is SO cUTe wORx!!!!~~

Meaning:

Oh my goodness. Hebe is very cute! :)

Or:

hONeY dEAResT! i LUB chU dEEp DeEp woRx!!~~

Meaning:

Dear, I love you so much.

OR:

i OWe YoU toO muCH wORx!~ Xie XIe Ni~! thANKiEW sO muCH woRX!~

Meaning:

Thanks.

In other words, worx is redundant.

Notice the misuse of the punctuation, using capital letters where not required.

Who uses worx?

It is frequently used by a known species found only in Singapore: the "Ah's". The male species, affectionally known as Ah Beng, and the female, Ah Lian.

There're some species which have a close affliation to this particular breed. Them being, "Ah Huay", or "Ah Seng" are a few of the commonly known terms.

But that's another topic for another health advisory.

Coming back to worx,

What proof do you have that worx is widespread?

We've googled worx on the internet and found out that 90% of the search pages that contain the word "worx" are found in Singaporean blogs and forums.

courtesy of google.com

Why is the use of worx not advised?

Worx, if used AT ALL, may cause dangerous diseases like, Parkinson's disease, epilepsy, gonorrhoea, to name a few.

If need be used to offend the word (IF you call that a word), a safer pronunciation is to be used accordingly: just say "warks". But please do not drag the word as it'll only lead to correct pronunciation of the word.

What do I do if I suspect someone is using worx at me?

Run away. If convenient, call the Communicable Disease Center or dial the toll-free hotline: 1800-worx-not.

Do not attempt to confront the user as it may only lead to you using worx too.

Help will be sent to you as soon as possible once you dialled the hot-line because we have a GPS satellite to detect where you are. Money is no issue here. THEY ARE THAT DANGEROUS.

What if I realised i'm using worx?

Approach your nearest pharmacy and ask for Antiworxamine (it will only surpress worx, not eliminate it). Follow strictly to the directions given to ensure the best results.

If your nearest pharmacy has run out of Antiworxamine pills, do not seek another pharmacy for you may spread the disease to others. BE CONSIDERATE, ask for suicide pills. It's better to end your own life than to cause misery to others.

Are there any immunities to worx?

Currently, we do not have a cure for worx. But prevention is always better than cure.

1) Drink lots of water.
2) When you suspect you are going to use worx at a person, cover your mouth.
3) Cut your tongue off.

This is a public health announcment. You've been warned.

2006-11-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

SINGAPOREAN NURSERY RHYMES.

humpty dumpty sat on the wall,
humpty dumpty had a great fall.
all the pm's horses and all the pm's men,
went back to kopitiam and ordered 2 half boiled eggs.

mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as PAP uniform
and everywhere that mary went,
the lamb would sure kaypo
it followed her to school one day
singapore where got this rule
it made the children eat lamb chop and lamb kebab too.

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of newater
jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill went broke after using her medishield.

old king cole
was a merry old soul
and a merry old soul was he
he called for his 42 inch plasma wide screen television
and watched pck pte ltd. (not funny i know.)

itsy bitsy spider climbed out the water spout
down came the rain and washed the spider out
out came the sun and dried up all the rain
but the itsy bitsy spider died cuz it fell from a hdb building

rock a bye baby on the tree top
when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bow breaks the cradle will fall
did the parents buy insurance at all?

_________________

HAIYA. i give up.
it's not funny i know

sometimes singapore is just so boring

even with the new vivocity and all..

THEY ARE STILL SELLING THE SAME DAMN STUFF.

what the hell are they thinking??

can't they set up newly never-heard-before stores?

stores like..

SLOWGOLD (WHY QUIKSILVER?)

PEAR/ORANGE/BANANA (WHY APPLE?)

SALSA (WHY MAMBO?)

BILLYOURBONGLA (WHY BILLABONG?)

MOONDOLLARS (WHY STARBUCKS?)

THIS CD SHOP (WHY THAT CD SHOP?)

HOMO/HETERO (WHY METRO?)

BTHK (ben tan han kun) (WHY DKNY?)

BREADSING (WHY MUST BREADTALK?)

someone END MY MISERY!.

2006-11-08T12:14:00.000+08:00

ok.. i forgive you guys if you can't find my tagboard or whatever it's called. now there's NO EXCUSE. it says OI! CLICK AND CRAP HERE PLEASE. ok? kapeash? savvy?

i expect haloscan to start sending me emails telling me that they're gonna close down my account cuz there's TOO MUCH COMMENTS POSTED THAT THEIR COMPUTERS ARE SHORTCIRCUITING.

ok?

btw, got chiobu inside. :)

(not me la.)

but thanks for thinking i'm chio.

2006-11-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

P is for the peace i'm gonna seeeeee
I is for the idiots i won't meettttt
N! is never, never, wearing green and
K is keeping up with all the things that i adored and

pink is all that they could give to me
pink is the colour of my pink ic :D
TOOO MUCH PINK IS GOOD AND
TAKE MY CAMP PASS AND DON'T RETURN IT
pink was made for me and YUUUUUU

______________

and i have reached OPERATIONALLY READY DATE.

which means,

I AM KING.

I CAN GO FIND TROUBLE AND BE THROWN IN PRISON AND NOT IN DETENTION BARRACKS

I CAN LAUGH AT THE PEOPLE BOOKING IN EARLY IN THE MORNING IN MY SLEEP!

I CAN SKIP-A-DEE-DOO-DA ALL NIGHT LONG!

you just wait till i can walk on 2 legs first.

peenk, ohhhh peenk..

I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

MY DEAREST PINK IC.

IF YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND,

I'D ASK FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE!

IF YOU WERE SOYA SAUCE,

I'LL POUR YOU INTO MY CHICKEN PORRIDGE!

IF YOU WERE A MONKEY

I'LL GIVE YOU BANANAS!

I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST PINK ICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCc...

oooooooooooooooooooo

my loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

my darlinggggggggggggggggggggg

i hunger for yourrrr touchhhhh

ORD LOH!

2006-11-05T20:50:00.001+08:00

i feel like aborting my blog

2006-11-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

you know, you guys keep asking me to update update update. but not only no one tags my blog, (IT'S OK, i can live with it... DON'T WORRY... i won't commit suicide over sucha small matter. *stands over the edge..) NO ONE KEEPS A BLOG ANYMORE! do you know how disheartening it is for me to update, I'M VERY SAD YOU KNOW?

my blog is like almost 4 years old already, i swear it's 1st word was "dada" to me. HOW THRILLED AM I? not very. while the rest of you are heartlessly having abortions, i'm still single handedly raising up this blog.

WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?

i mean, if you can't even keep a blog, what will happen if you were given heavier responsibilites to handle in future? if you can't even keep a blog, HOW DO YOU BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF SINGAPORE?

not that i'll become one, but it's just an analogy lar.

there should be a movement against abortion of blogs.

HAIYA. YOU THINK I'M FOR REAL AH. I CAN'T EVEN WALK PROPERLY AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CHANGE THE WORLD? siao.

2006-10-31T16:51:00.000+08:00

uhhehehehehhee. andrea'll kill me if she sees this vid posted up. so i'm afraid i'll have to kill you after you see this vid.

and.... this was what i did during my a levels.

n if you were wondering, i won in that game k? :P just showing you some of my tokyo drift moves. *i wonder if you know, how they live in tokeeeyo.*

nnnn for those who miss this camp as much as i did, here's an eyeful. hope this brings back fond memories! :)

i'm just bored yes.

2006-10-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

words commonly used by me!

1. wa lau
2. yoho!
3. HA.. psycho.
4. dumb ass
5. lols (not l.o.l., just lols.)
6. (6-10 is used only on 1 person but it's commonly used enough) your brains
7. u bum
8. horrendous
9. piracy
10. copycat
11. EH siao eh.
12. hur hur.
13. i'm smart! :D
14. sian

2006-10-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

i'm being ambitious. there're tonnes of things to do, tonnes of things to buy, tonnes of things to learn.

and i'm just waiting for 6th nov to pass.

and i've got lots of work to do before that too.

BUT I'M CRIPPLED!

2006-10-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that;
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I miss you.
You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go."
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just
scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
And you say I only hear what I want to.

______________________________________

EMO AH.. I WANNA GO OUT!
:(

i have the most amazing news of all time.

in 2001, i missed it.

NEH'MIND! i shall watch it as soon as the dvd/vcd's out.

in 2002, i wanna watch the 1st one before watching this

n i missed it.

NEH'MIND! o'levels r over. i have all time in the world to watch.

in 2003, to cut the long story short.

I MISSED IT AGAIN!!!!

so now in 2006,

i have finally caught 2/3 of the trilogy!

MUAHAHHA

I HAVE FINALLY STARTED WATCHING THE LORD OF THE RINGS!

*confetti*

2006-10-21T21:47:00.001+08:00

today, i am a chao ah beng.

i lub my xiaolian_86 n i wan 2 spend my life luving her mua*mua*
i lub chu 4eva n eva!~** will u be my honey dearest*?
~*i live in hougang n lub to jia zua wit my brudders at my void deck*~
if u not happy can come find us n we go pia zui
i love techno, if no techno i sure die one
if no techno, i bring my MP3 player wit my speaker come blast at void deck wit my brudders.
i love to zao school
school is damn sian
teacher not happy i walk out
last time, we go hougang plaza to pak pool.
den last mth some ah beng bio my xiaolian_86 (mua*mua*)
i take pool stick n hoot him
now dunno y cannot go back hg plaza pak pool alr.
neh mind, the pool table there louya also.
now i go ssc n pak pool.
lagi best.
high crass sia

2006-10-19T13:04:00.000+08:00

somebody PLEASE entertain MEEEEE.

this is a story of my boring life.

today.. i woke up late, so i decided not to take the bus to work. i changed quickly and ran out of the house and to my office. unfortunately, i overshot my office and ran right into china, so i turned around and ran back, getting a peking duck on the way for breakfast.

when i reached the office, i accidentally saw my boss talking to my superior with my x-ray vision and supersensitive ears about me always disappearing from the office and was wondering if i was malingering. i always wanted to tell them that i was someone special, someone who no one wants to hire if they're a really busy company. but who the hell will?

at 10, i heard gunshots somewhere in ang mo kio and i decided to rush down to see what was wrong. i was right. something was wrong. but being right about something wrong is just wrong, right? anyway, there was a bank robbery taking place in well.. the bank. knowing that singapore has no phone booth for me to change, (i realised a phone booth is as big as a dressing room. but everyone can see me changing, so why the hell did i change in a phone booth last time anyway?) i rushed to the nearest swimming pool dressing room.

but by the time i changed, (wore my underwear INSIDE by mistake.. what a joke.) and got to the scene of the crime, the singapore police has already captured the bank robbers. wa.. singapore police not bad ah, efficient.. i was very sad then. since singapore had no godzillas(beach too small for them to step on), no aliens(no crops to create crop circles), no evildoers(singapore government bigger than all opposition), i had to be faster than those police to catch those small time criminals. maybe i should wear my suit inside my work clothes.. BUT SINGAPORE IS SO HOT. hello.. i was born in ice remember?

why am i so kaypoh i heard you say? well.. i also dunno. i came here not because of the increasing crime rate here, but rather, the singapore government said it was ok for foreign talents to come and there're many job opportunities for us foreigners. but looking around, there doesn't seem to be any opportunity for my REAL job scope.. maybe mickey mouse has an advantage because of the IR coming up at sentosa. but that's it.. he's a jok.. i mean entertainer. and i'm a superhero. HOW CAN I SURVIVE IN SINGAPORE LIKE THAT?

after that, there had been no robberies whatsoever during the day.

after work, i went to meet lou yi lane for dinner. i have no idea why i don't want to ask her to be my girlfriend, maybe because i'm afraid that she'll find out i wear my underwear outside.. maybe i should just switch to boxers. oh well.

after dinner, i ran back home to catch my 9pm channel 8 show, surfed the net for awhile, and went to sleep.

see, told you my life was boring.

2006-10-18T10:28:00.000+08:00

in the year 2099,

1. i'd be dead

2. robots will rule the world

3. robots will have already mastered singlish and use it evidently

4. robot ah bengs will take over human ah bengs

5. that's cuz robot ah bengs would have a wider range of hokkien in their vocabulary and thus outspeak human ah bengs

6. haze will be taken over by smog.

7. north korea's nuclear weapons in 2099 would hurt as much as someone pinching you today cuz there's a new doomsday device in the making.

8. a new leader will arise in the US bringing about the popular slogan: a bird in our hands is worth 2 in bush's. this slogan will be inserted into a new song sung to the tune of fergie's london bridge.

9. fergie's london bridge will be played on radio station 90.5fm because it's a classic.

10. there'll be an ah beng Mr. Anderson aka Neo whose real name is Mr. Macpherson aka Niu and prophercy states that he'll liberate human ah bengs all over the world from the robot ones.

11. those deemed "old school" in 2006 will be renamed as "ancient school"

12. singapore's prime minister's name is PM Lee

13. vivocity would be considered a mama shop compared to other shopping malls

14. singapore ah bengs will have their own techno idol. this time a chinese will win

15. "zhng my spacecraft"

16. singapore still has national service. (MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA)

17. schools will look like changi prison

18. changi prison will look like hotels

19. and hotels will look like schools.

20. i'll be dead.

2006-10-17T20:40:00.000+08:00

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
how have u been?

Hello, I am So Berry Cool. says:
pretty alright

Hello, I am So Berry Cool. says:
you?

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
bored..

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
dead bored.

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
wait..

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
just dead.

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
n bored

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
n dead bored

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
so bored i changed my template!
.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
yay-ness

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
n did i mention i'm hilarious

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
i crack myself up

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
wahhahahaa..

.ben tan han kun. i wanna run, skip, hop, jump, sprint, walk.. again says:
damn.

----

the reason why you should ignore me when i start a convo with you.

IF you noticed, i changed my blog skin. :) IF you're smart, you know i must be dead bored that i changed my blog template and blogged both AT THE SAME TIME!

why the sudden enthusiasm ben?

(btw, go buy 4d, sure strike one.)

that's cuz i am crippled!
yessireeeeeebob. i just underwent an op on fri to fix my ankle and i am now crippled, on crutches and am dead bored.

i've been stuck at home for days and i have nothing but a blog to contend with.. not that it took me hours to change it, it just took me hours to choose it. i like this, plain, simple and chocolatey.. aye?

and my stupid tagboard's screwed up so i changed it.. and now it's lonely! just like me.

and ohhhh! did you read my profile (well sort of..) i'm hilarious! i crack myself up. hurhur..

let's see.. there's 5 places i could go to in the world right now.. to my room, to the study room, to the kitchen, to the living room and to the toilet.

and what have i been doing?

sleeping
on the computer
watching tv
eat
grow fat
and read

speaking of which.. i'm reading a book now (yes i can read in case you are wondering you numbskull) titled: why men.. (err.. something, i'm too crippled to get the book now), and women can't read maps.. (THAT i can remember.) anyway, this book is about the difference between men and women. in case you didn't know, there is a biological difference between men and women. (not just physically, you're thinking of them already aren't you?) that's about what i'm gonna say about the book. i won't tell you the rest for fear of being sued.

na i'm just lazy

oh man.. i'm typing too much.. i shall go watch rowan atkinson on youtube now!

he's hilarious.. like me.

'nuff said

2006-09-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

i've been on hiatus since my last blog post because this week has been a shaky one for me. i seriously think my army life is the most interesting of other people in this country because of all the things i've encountered.. and i haven't even ord yet. NO MORE SURPRISES PLEASE?

thanks to you guys who made my life so much easier with all your encouragements.. i'd break down if you guys hadn't been there.. :)

2006-09-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

charlie's angels is a retarded show, i shall sacrifice watching it and blog instead.. SEE! i'm so nice. :)

i've got saddening news...

I'M GETTING LOUSIER AND LOUSIER AT DOTA!

shucks.. i'm deproving at an exponential rate everyday... i'm so disappointed at myself..

anyway..

i went out with gay and joy today for a movie and i still can't believe we caught THE BARNYARD..

imagine me. a 20 year old MAN, watching a nickelodeon movie.. ME, a 20 year old MAN, watching a NICKELODEON MOVIE.

ME, A 20 YEAR OLD MAN, WATCHING A NICKELODEON MOVIE

i don't know where to hide my face.. anyone with a brown paper bag?

the show was touching, yada yada.. typical father COW dies defending farm from coyote and son COW takes over leading the farm animals show.. well.. not very typical but you get the plot.

but i still can't get over the fact that ME, A 20 YEAR OLD MAN, WATCHED A NICKELODEON MOVIE..

but luckily, i watched it with fun people. so it ain't that bad after all :)

--

i feel, yet again, like reminising my memories.. i'm always like that on a sunday night blues night.. :)

the friend i'll never have again..

where'd you go?

a year later :)

ha.. we exchanged the names they gave us!

the reason why i did so badly in my a's..

we all love maggi Q!

mah family :)

HAHAHAHA I REMEMBER THIS ONE! click HERE to find out!

the times we spent are all special

:)

that's it.. fun's over.. time go get back to reality and get back to camp :( sobs..

happy, gay and joy

2006-09-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

you never know how nice it is to cross the mind of someone and makes an effort to express this nice-ness :)

ripped this off joy's blog. ha how cute..

i made a new friend,
ben HAPPY tan han kun
HAPPY is so lame,
so much so that
crutches aint doing him any good.

right,
he is happy.
im joy.
angie is gay.
all in all, we lead a happily, gayly yet joyful lives.

HAPPY never stop his nonsense.
assuming things that dont even exist
HAPPY assume, JOY cries.
HAPPY assume, JOY act cute.
JOY dont cry
JOY dont need to act to be cute :D

HAPPY owes a movie treat
HAPPY owes alot
i tell you, ALOT
then, HAPPY assumes, once again,
that JOY should owe him back too.

HAPPY owes yummy delifrace ice cream
HAPPY owes owes owes.
HAPPY is broke.
HAPPY hates to work.
HAPPY needs to work.
or where will the money appear?

can HAPPY be HAPPY no more?

haha. 9 october.
FREEDOM OF JOY.

JOY is drowning
a dying JOY..

i wonder how GAY is doing now

MY TURN TO TURN TO BE NONSENSICAL:

one day, happy had a car wash cum fund raising day.

happy met gay while washing a car..

happy ACCIDENTALLY (i repeat.. ACCIDENTALLY) splashes water at gay countless times.

happy asked gay for gay's name but gay refuses to give.

happy thinks gay's gay..

a month later.. happy meets joy in a youth mass practice

from then on, they all became happy, gay and joy-ful. literally.

gay is full of nonsense..

gay thinks happy owes gay an ice cream treat..

when happy only owes a movie treat..

the secret is.. gay doesn't know that it all depends on gay's EOY results..

but gay is nice la.. in a way..

gay's nice cuz gay wrote about happy in gay's blog!

so nice.. (overused "nice")

and then there's joy.

joy thinks friendster testimonials are like msn..

chatting through testimonials..

but they're fab testimonials. ha..

so don't give up writing testimonials!

joy's so nice to write about happy in joy's blog.

it brightened up happy's otherwise sad day cuz happy has to book into camp the next day and it's already 1 am in the morning.. oh btw.. happy is no longer happy whenever happy's in camp

joy's full of nonsense and always trying to be as lame as happy..

TRY HARDER LAR..

anyway.. happy's thankful for joy and gay.

cuz without them, happy won't be joyful or gay.. (happy gay, not gay gay.. you know?)

wait for your eoys to end! we'll all have fun fun fun after that and we all can be happy, joy-ful and gay!

i love you guys :)

watched the devil wears prada today with phyllicia, jo, nic n manuel.. :) i'm really glad i had this off day to relax and unwind with them.. :)

I'M SO FULL OF NICE THINGS TO SAY TODAY! :D

i'm off to bed now.. gd night all you lovers of DKNY! :D

hi, my name's michael.

2006-08-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

the title's part of an inside joke, for those of you who were there yesterday, i give you permission to laugh now..

ok stop.

nobody's interested in blogging nowadays. it's like a novelty.. it's like buying the "limited edition" hello kitty plush toys a long time ago. but i'm still queueing to buy them.

anyways.. it's like 2 months or so left till i'm free from the clutches of the government organisation they call army. there're a million and one things i want to do when i get out of it.. 5/6 of it requires cash, which i think will be scrapped because of obvious reasons.. *hint.. MONEY LAH*

since i'm in the mood, i'll name them anyway.

things i wanna do when i ORD:
1) get a job. (by far, the most realistic idea since i have no money.)
2) get a hair makeover.
3) get a makeover.
4) get a new phone. (don't remind me..)
5) get a new wallet.
6) gym 3 times a week. (HA, good one ben..)
7) get a sax.
8) get a 2 n 3 star canoeing cert.
9) go abroad.
10) get a new wardrobe.

i'm a very expensive person.. HOW? NO MONEY CAN'T MAINTAIN MYSELF..

luckily i don't have a girlfriend at this moment. :)

----

i feel nostalgic all of a sudden, i feel like recalling all the pictures i used to take. :)

HA, my first clubbing night! can tell i'm a newbie in this picture ah.. i look so GEEKY n PLAIN.. OMG. i'm crying for myself.

HI, isn't he oh-so cute?! anyway, this was taken at a fun fair in my church in 2004 (just in care you are blind.. :) )

MOVING ON..

the class that MADE IT :)

man.. i'm pissed with blogger.. they don't let me post anymore pics! more coming up.. gotta rush!

2006-08-26T03:53:00.000+08:00

i can't help feeling that you've found someone new.

-----------------------------

i met a couple of small kids (1 chinese and 1 indian. not that i'm being racist. it really was like that. REALLY LAH.) today who can't wait to grow up, so in the end, they resorted to getting others to buy alcohol for them.

so cute

one of them approached me and my friend while we were shopping for stuff for bbq in ntuc, asking us if we were above eighteen. they didn't look like survey takers.. so i said yes

and the convo was as follows:

small chinese kid (imagine kiddy and spastic voice): can help us buy modka?

me and my friend (in unison): HUH?! mocha?

small chinese kid: MODka! MODka!

(thinking for a while...) me: OHHH.. you mean VODka?

small kids: ah ya ya ya...

me: eh, but how old are you 2?

small chinese kid: oh i sixteen and he seventeen, den we cannot buy yet lah.

*in my mind*: YOU? sixteen and seventeen? den i must look like i'm 10 then.

me: HUH.. why would you want to buy vodka at 3pm in the afternoon (kids..).. and WHY WOULD YOU DRINK IT IN THE 1ST PLACE?

small indian kid (HE FINALLY SPOKE) he's so cute he looks like he has 1 straight looooonggggg eyebrow across his head: AIYA.. natural what.. (natural your head lah)

and they started to walk off, thinking we wouldn't buy for them anyhow.

darn.. there were a million and one ways me and my friend thought of after that to disturb them..
1) bombard them with kaypoh adult questions: IC PLEASE, why your father or mother don't want to buy for you? you father and mother know or not? which (primary) school are you from? why you ask me and not that uncle? why you got 1 straight eyebrow across your head? so you think drinking MODka will make you look 18 lah? how you know i'm above 18? what if i'm younger than you? what if i call police? etc etc.

2) OHHHH MODka ah? can... i bring you go kopi-tiam, there got kopi seao dai.

3) you not scared that i'm michael jackson meh?

4) eh, your balls grow hair and you can pee straight then you come and look for us can?

and the list goes on.. why am i so slow when it comes to these things?

and i should have brought a video camera too..

dang.

----------------------------

oh well.. i'm sleepy. it's 4 am in the morning.. n i think i'll go sleep my ass off already.. to be continued tomorrow.

the worst week of 2006 just arrived.

2006-08-22T20:38:00.000+08:00

i have just lost my phone people.. no wait.. my phone just got STOLEN. the phone which i just bought a few weeks back. i have no idea i'd feel so handicapped without my phone and without all my contacts, it's really difficult to keep in contact anymore..

luckily i'm not tammy though..

i wish that fucker who stole my phone goes home to find that he has contracted hiv, bird flu, sars, gnorrhoea, syphillis and he'd get electrocuted while trying to charge MY phone. and if he choses to sell my poor darling phone, i wish that fucker would get knocked down by a car while doing so and NOOO.. he can't die yet.. he'd just be paralysed waist up and he'd be a vegetable.

THEN THERE'S JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD.

the worst feeling in the world is that i got my dad extremely upset with me over this matter.. all these years i've been trying to build a better relationship with my dad and this has to happen.

so on top of all of that, i wish that fucker would trip over something while walking RIGHT NOW AND FALL FLAT ON HIS FUCKING NOSE. YOU FUCKING THIEF, I HATE YOU!

---------------------------

oh and i managed to find my xp cd, reformatted my computer and now am able to blog again. i wanted to blow this up and announce it to the whole world but i haven't got the mood to do that since what happened yesterday. my life's in a fucking mess now..

i feel that i'm not fit to lead in the pnw this coming youth mass, a wave of nauseating emotions has engulfed me. guilt is overpowering my will to reach out to the people there. but i can't back out now, can i?

2006-08-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

didn't catch you around today.
might as well.. things have gone awfully weird lately..

2006-08-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

i remember someone said that if i sigh, 1 fairy will die. at this rate i'm going, the fairies are extinct already. peter pan won't have tinkerbell buzzing around him anymore.

it's been and is going to be a really lousy week for me. i'll be stuck in camp with loads of things to settle, with the QC coming and all.. i really wanna get out of that godforsaken place they call camp.

right now, i need friends who care

i need friends who bother

i need friends who love.

i need a chocolate cake.

2006-07-30T18:51:00.000+08:00

how often do you say "i love you" to your mom or dad?

on every birthday?
on father's/mother's day?
on an unfortunate day?

why is it that one only appreciates the important things in life at the very last moment?

why are hugs and kisses so freely given to friends but oh so difficult to be given to our parents?

are we really that embarrassed to show our love to them?

------

i'm a shopaholic. i really should learn to be more prudent with my money. i really should plan ahead and not live as each day comes.

i really should.

------

stuff to mention..

- i miss your smiles
- i miss your hugs
- i miss being called that name by you and calling you that other name..
- i just miss you
- it just pains me to be unable to take away the stress you face

------

i wanna catch lake house.. any takers?

------

i'm gonna get really busy this week in camp. i just want to get out as soon as possible.. 3 more months!

------

i'm just plain tired..

2006-07-23T02:32:00.000+08:00

some things happened today.. and i'm glad it did.

i'm glad there's a car wash today. it got some people to get together and have fun with each other while raising funds for future events. (not to mention me being drenched.. no wait.. soaked.)

i'm glad that we have collected quite a sum of donations today. (we're on a roll people!)

i'm glad that alot of people turned up for the car wash today even though it's a saturday and saturdays are meant for people like me to paint the town red (or pink also can).

i'm glad i received some important messages.

i believe it'll be quite a turnout tomorrow and i hope n pray that things would go as smoothly as it did today. :)

hey.. can't i have a end of day summary once in a while? tomorrow'll be some other nonsense again.. i promise. :)

2006-07-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

i've got a wisdom tooth, i've got a wisdom tooth!

i felt it at my left side of my jaw and compared it to the right n I FELT IT.

omg.. what if i have to surgically remove it? what if it grows so out of place that my teeth all fall out? what if i can't eat my favourite chocolate anymore? (godiva btw.. hint.) WHAT IF I TURN STUPID AFTER REMOVING IT? (like you know.. wisdom tooth, stupid..) what the heck, i'm really stupid.. WHAT IF I TURN RETARDED? (like you know.. wisdom tooth, stupid, retarded..)

come to think of it.. i've already got white hair (tonnes of it btw), and now i've got a wisdom tooth.. i'm getting smarter and smarter each day. think there's a chance of me becoming the smartest guy on earth?

stupid.. i think i'll be the ugliest person on earth.

i wonder why did god plant wisdom teeth in people anyway? it's painful, totally useless, painful, irritating, out of place, painful.. the worst thing is, you don't even turn smarter with it.. i wonder why did people name it wisdom tooth anyway? i can understand why baby teeth is named as it is, and adult teeth.. BUT WISDOM TEETH? no link lar..

ok ok i hope it won't be a painful experience.. i'd rather have chicken pox than grow a wisdom tooth.

WHICH brings me to another question.

WHY CHICKEN POX?

it doesn't look like a chicken, you don't look like a chicken, it doesn't taste like chicken, it didn't come from chickens (did it?), you won't cluck like a chicken..

WHY CHICKEN POX?

it's like naming your daughter Yoshi Jap Lian.. TOTALLY NO LINK.. (inside joke, don't laugh)

i can so imagine the DOCTOR (smart ass) who came up with the term chicken pox..

Son: daddy daddy! i got dots and dots n dots on my skin! n it's so itchy!

dad(who is a doctor.. duh): ya it's called freckles you dimwit. quiet lar, i'm eating chicken rice, don't disturb me.

son: but it's so itchy and i can't stop scratching it!

dad: wa lau.. can you stop scratching in front of me while i'm eating? you're disgusting. k lar let me see...

*dad's eyes open*

dad: wa lau! what's this? i've never seen this before! it seems to be caused by the varicella-zoster virus (VZV), also known as human herpes virus 3 (HHV-3), one of the eight herpes viruses known to affect humans. It starts with conjunctival and catarrhal symptoms, moderate fever and then characteristic spots appearing in two or three waves, mainly on the body and head rather than the hands and becoming itchy raw pox (pocks), small open sores which heal mostly without scarring.*

CHEH... nice eh?

dad(cont.): it looks like the skin of the chicken i'm eating now. i know! i shall call it chicken pox! yay. i'm a genius. but i haven't found a cure yet.. so son, i'm afraid you're gonna die.

son: nooooooooo.....

this is nonsense.. i'm crapping.

anyway the name may be derieved from:

1. the specks that appear looked as though the skin was picked by chickens,
the disease was named after chick peas, from a supposed similarity in size of the seed to the lesions
2. Samuel Johnson suggested that the disease was "no very great danger," thus a "chicken" version of the pox
3. the term reflects a corruption of the Old English word, "giccin", which meant "itching" *

ok ok .. maybe i should go sleep.. i'm hypertensing now. (no such word)

*thanks wikipedia for your enlightenment, otherwise i have to think of some bombastic words to sound like a doctor. :)

2006-07-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

this weekend's been a traumatic one.

1) attended 3 masses.
2) all for the sake of the "thank you" announcement(i like to call it announcement and not a speech cuz what i wrote is way too immature to be labelled a "speech"), i had to endure minor humiliation (oi father tay, wad "good boy"? it's supposed to be meant for small aloy right?), and stand in front of the congregation, balls shrinking and making the announcement.

oh well.. i'm glad all these events are over, but i'm not glad that tomorrow's monday. *SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES*

ok, maybe you didn't really get what i just said.. let me explain it to you graphically.. (so a maths.. darn i miss it so much)

(note: mood swings subjected to change)

get the picture?

like the graph? i spent bloody 15 minutes to do that stupid thing ok. 1 minute on drawing the graph, the other 14 trying to remember how a graph should look like. one day, when i am free and i feel like it, i'll show you how to do differentiation for moods. it's THAT simple people!

moving on.. that was what i've been feeling since 7 jan 2005 when i was first enlisted in to slav.. i mean.. army camp. it's incredible how long i've lasted and i'm still alive to tell the tale this day. army should probably have a 2 day work week and 5 day weekend instead of a 2 day weekend and a 5 day work week. AND while i'm getting there, why not suggest a few more things to add on to the "what army should be like" list?

WHAT ARMY SHOULD BE LIKE:
1) 2 day work week and a 5 day weekend.
2) the lowest rank has the highest authority.
3) cut down NS to 1 week instead of 2 years.
4) push ups should be replaced with "write 50 lines eg. I WILL NOT CHAO KENG AGAIN"
5) pull up bars should be lowered. much lower..
6) the time need for a gold in 2.4km run should be below 50 mins
7) get girls to be part of the NS experience! (if that happens, the previous 6 suggestions should be voided)

that's about it.. i can't imagine a yoshi jap lian in army uniform marching up and down and everywhere.. (inside joke, don't laugh)

while i'm at it.. (bitching that is..) i would also wanna say something..

i'm in love with someone but i haven't got the balls to say it out! cuz of the complications that may surface later! shucks.. i'm destined to stay that way..

maybe all these were meant to be..

ps. btw, if you didn't like the graph, i hope your right foot gets syphillis and your left, gnorrhoea (is that how you spell that?)

2006-07-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

i seriously think there's a virus stuck into my computer.. i just can't seem to blog without having to vent my frustrations on my keyboard and monitor screen. i'll have to reformat it soon..

first thing's first..

I'M FEELING EMO AGAIN!

shucks.. n it was just barely an entry ago that i started to tell myself not to get emo so easily. and that i won't blog about it.

BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!

this thing's just been bringing me down. i wanna stop it, i really do.

i should just listen to my priest's advice and go study in punggol.

if you know what i mean

I CAN FINALLY TYPE!

2006-07-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

ladies and gentleladies, i've got a piece of good news and bad news each. the good news is, i can finally blog without getting frustrated at blogger for lagging out my whole computer whenever i start a new post. !!!! the bad news is.. it's not my computer i'm blogging on, put that in your common sense inbox and you'll get "ben's blogging only once." :D

i'm terribly sorry if i sounded super damn bloody emo(ie. emotional, i picked this off from church, amazing what new things you can learn from younger people.) on my blog (i'm ashamed of myself). eh don't bluff yourself lar, everyone gets emo(ie. emotional, i picked this off from church, amazing what new things you can learn from younger people.) ((takes awhile to sink in, i'm just helping you remember :))) whenever they are by themselves at night. right right right?

ok ok, i promise.. NO MORE EMO (ie. emotional, i picked this off from church, amazing what new things you can learn from younger people.) BLOG ENTRIES ANYMORE. it's getting nowhere cuz it's only gonna hurt me. but when i write funny entries, the reader will laugh till he falls off the chair. now who's gonna get hurt HUH!?

BUT.. i wanna BITCH now.

i don't understand why some bus drivers (aka bus captains... yay, posh name.) seriously have NO BLOODY BRAINS when it comes to driving buses? i left this evening from camp to head to church. i was early and would reach in time if the following didn't happen. YOU HEARD THAT YOU LOUSY BUS UNCLE? I COULD HAVE BEEN EARLY! i had to wait 1/2 a bloody hour just for the bus to arrive, by then i was going to be slightly late. "eh ben, don't be so petty lar, it's only waiting wad..." yea, you haven't heard the best part so stop intruding me. the best part is, when the bus came, i got up to flag for the damn bus, but it BLOODY HELL DROVE PAST MY STOP! i know, i should be understanding and learn that some people might be having something urgent going on but too bad, i'm not the forgiving type. :P so here goes..

DAMN YOU BLOODY BUS UNCLE. BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAD TO TAKE A BUS WHICH DOESN'T STOP AT CHURCH AND I HAVE TO TAKE A CAB FROM COMPASS POINT CUZ I WAS ALREADY LATE FOR MEETING. I HOPE YOU GET SYPHILLIS ON YOUR ARMPITS, HIV ON YOUR BALDING HEAD AND CHICKEN BLOODY POX ON YOUR BALLS. I HOPE THAT WHENEVER YOU DRIVE PAST MY BUST.., I MEAN, BUS STOP, YOU'LL SUDDENLY FEEL AN ITCH ON YOUR BALLS AND WHEN YOU SCRATCH IT, YOU'LL CRASH INTO THE BLOODY DRIVER WHO HONKED AT ME JUST NOW.

which brings me to another story..

BUT. i'm not emo ah. don't conclude prematurely. it's just an angsty post. i'm alright... except when felicia had me blindfolded and made me walk into the sideview mirror. if you're reading this, watch out for the next mm meeting yea? it's my turn to plan for next week's program. mahahahahaha... :D

of singapore idols and such.

2006-07-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

I WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDOL! (note it's not singapore idol. i don't have to shout it into your ear to understand do i?)

but i can't sing.

I WANNA BE A JOHNNY DEPP! (note it's not dick lee. i don't have to drill it into your head to comprehend do i?)

but i act too much.

all these and more when you can't pretty much do anything you've always dream of.

ANYWAYS..

i've always wanted to blog about my events, which indeed, in these past 1.5 years, have experienced more than what i have in the past 19 years. somehow, i've been procrastinating and blogger's not cooperating either. well, i know i'm pretty much late to say all these but, i just wanna mention that i'm glad i've taken leave from army to attend tripartite camp in my church. i've learnt tons of stuff there even if i am 20 years old already.

i've learnt:-

1) lots through father k's sessions.

2) new games and such.

3) how to make friends all over again.

4) how to act silly in front of everyone.

5) tau huay and tau pok came from the same tau.

6) friends and lack of sleep don't mix.

7) not to understand what i've just said in 6)

8) confessions and reconciliation go well with each other.

warm fuzzies are the best. just reheat them in the microwave and you can enjoy them piping hot! :)

i always dread mondays, drag my feet on tuesdays, look forward in wednesdays, have high hopes on thurs, smile on fridays, celebrate on saturdays and more smiles on sunday MORNINGS.

ramble ramble ramble.. jas, i'm right, i've got low creativity during army period. seems like army has made me dumber than i thought. :P

2006-06-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

whenever i think of you, i'll just tell myself to stop being silly and be happy about the things i'm having now. i could do it. i knew i could too it. but what i didn't know was that if i did it too many times, this feeling would build up and eventually overwhelm me. i thought i could do it, you know, thinking that this is but a passing phase, that it would finally be all over in no time and i'd be prancing around like a kid on sugar rush once again. but all is not lost. i've prided in myself that i've forgotten about a. already :), all but a simple action of not seeing her at all and not giving a damn about whatever happens to her. (speaking of which, i don't give 2 hoots about your birthday. was a simple memory of "ben's birthday" (which is btw the same as your brother's and 2 other people you call "friends") and a simple sms wishing me a happy birthday too much for your brain to take? call me petty and everything i don't care, you were never a friend to me to start it all off, much less a GOOD friend.) BUT I DIGRESS..

the feeling really sucks. it simply emphasises all my weaknesses and makes me think of all the things i did wrong. it makes me feel emotionally drained and physically dragged. things like these shouldn't happen to me. even if i did, i should have hide it and not being able to show it to the world. isn't this but a requirement of an adult? if i didn't do that, wouldn't i expose my vulnerablilty and eventually have it turn against me? i'm just being silly.. right?

there's a danger in loving somebody too much

2006-05-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

----------------

truth hurts.
it hurts when they tell you you aren't cut out for the job
it hurts when they tell you that eventually you'll fail, and you did.

currently, it hurts the most when you play the role of a good guy, knowing that you'd be affected negatively in the end.

it's great and all that you are feeling on top of the world right now, that you have followed my advice and got what you wanted.

i love to see that smile across your face when you finally made your decision, how you jumped for joy when you announced to me he is the one, how much happier you'd be in future had things go the way you expected it to.

but it cuts me to the deep knowing that it's not what i really wanted to happen, knowing that i didn't understand what i said to you that night, why i said that to you, i didn't know.

didn't you have the least bit feeling that i was hurting inside? that i forced myself to say that as long as you get what you wanted.. that i made myself a fool to you..

what was i thinking.. there's never a me in your chapters. i'm extremely foolish to think of it that way. you'd never have me in your thoughts and i'd never have a place in your heart.

well.. good for you that you have that lovin feeling.. i'm happy for you.

:)

2006-05-21T01:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder..
what would my life be like with you around?
was it any better than now?
or would it be worse than what you are experiencing now?
i won't ever forget "cheap bastards",
but i'll forgive.

it's my nature.

i've always thought that it'd be so wonderful to have you around.
not now.
i'll think of things 1000000 times more wonderful without having you around.
so far it's 999999.

i'll make sure i accomplish more than you will ever have,
i'll stick this no matter what.
i'll make sure i'm a million times happier than you'll ever be.
it's not hatred that's driving me this way, no.
think of it as a motivation, you're my motivator, a passive one.

in time, i'll make decisions that are worth a million bucks or more,
own a million and one things and more.
while you are just sitting, watching the television, waiting for dinner.
told you so, you're gonna be my motivator, a passive one.

my loved one will be a million and one times more beautiful on the inside than you are,
a million and one times prettier than you'll ever want to be,
and a million and one times better in everything you do, period.
cuz you have been my motivator.
thanks.

2006-04-23T19:31:00.001+08:00

something has happened. something unmentionalbly terrible has happened. something absolutely, totally, superbly, horribly, terribly terrible has happened.

NO ONE MISSES MEEEEEEEE!!!!

YES, ME. Benjamin Tan Hang Khoon. MEMEME. limpei. watashiwa. wo3. me (in malay), me (in tamil), me (in every other goddamm language).

You have absolutely no idea whatsoever how that feels.

i need a new life...

by the way, did i tell you that nan2 quan2 ma1 ma1's Lara (the one who sang with Jay Chou in Shan1 Hu2 Hai3) is sooooooo pretty?

ok this picture doesn't really do justice to her, BUT she's REALLY PRETTY! trust me, i know. :D

you haven't heard of her!? man.. which planet do you live in?

i love!

2006-04-09T19:57:00.000+08:00

yes i do. like every other human being, i love. :)

I LOVE ELVA HSIAO! WOOTS

pretty, ain't she? ok la not really..

ok, i sound like some teenage lian who's obsessed with some taiwanese singer and go ga-ga over someone whom i've never seen in real life. eww.. k k. let me rephrase that.

I'M IN LOVE WITH ELVA'S SONGS! WOOTS

well, her chinese songs that is.. while doing duty yesterday, i was searching for music videos to some of her songs. and i came across some clips of her singing some english songs in some of her concerts. she sang hollaback girl and baby one more time. OMG. PLEASE STICK TO WHAT YOU DO BEST: SING CHINESE SONGS PUHLEEEEEZEEEEE?

i've been taking high-staked gambles recently, at a risk of putting my future in jeopardy. the things i do might put me in DB and my place in university might be shakened. shrugs. i'm so tired of army life nowadays that i just wanna stay a civilian.

i finally went to church today after a 1 month absence and i was sooooo glad to see my church friends again! so glad that i spent the whole day there doing nothing. absolutely nothing.

:)

wheeheeheeeeeeeelyyyy?

2006-04-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

in case you don't know what's that word, it's "really" sounding sarcastically. it's like.... those villians wanting to... do something. dunno what la.. something la. HAIYA. just imagine the villians wanting to do something and then they say that stupid word la.

i'm very bad at describing things/events/people.

ANYWAY,

for those who miss me while i was gone, HELLO! for those who didn't, i hope you get beetles crawling out of your mouth like "The Mummy". BUT i'm sure everyone missed me right? *BIG SMILE*

thanks for all the birthday wishes i got while i was there and an occasional message here and there from people. you make such good friends! *audience: awwwww...*

seriously, do i look like a 2 year old trapped in a 20 year old body?

i need a grown up friend..

WELCOME, to the place i've been dreading to go to since 05/03/2006 and now i'm glad to be rid of it! nice and cosy eh?

NOT.

we played dota ALL NIGHT LONG there..

pardon the lack of professionalism in this picture. but it looked retarded to take a picture of your computer screen in front of other people anyway so i decided to take a quickie. thus the picture quality.

also, we looked at silly graffiti on the wall:

sadly, such people still exist in this century. omg omg omg. and if that isn't enough proof,

OMG OMG OMGGGG....

enuff said.

my intelligence is being wasted. i need to find ways to motivate myself to read more books than usual, read my newsweeks that has been lying stagnant on the somewhere around the house and do more intelligent things intelligent people do which made them intelligent.

2006-04-06T01:46:00.000+08:00

hurhur.. i'm back.. and to show you my enthusiasm, i shall not blog! bahahahaha

2006-03-06T21:04:00.000+08:00

the things we did when i was in jc..

3 more hours.. leave me a msg or something while i'm there k? i have auto-roaming.. i'll be sad n lonely there...... :(

to hell and never to return again.

2006-03-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

i'm depressed.

for one whole month i'm gonna be in thailand.

i'm gonna be..

1. sunburnt
2. rotting everywhere.
3. smell like tom yum soup.
4. look like an elephant.
5. sad
6. depressed.
7. alone.
8. tired
8. depressed.
9. homesick.
10. foodsick.
11. sunfrenchkissed.
12. depressed.

omg.. please pray for me would you?

i'm a depressed littl' robot..

HAIYA THAILAND ONLY, NOT AS IF I'M GOING TO GO FOR LECTURES RIGHT? IT'LL BE SO FUN THAT I WILL WANT TO STAY THERE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. amen. IT'LL BE THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I'LL SAVE SOME ELEPHANT FROM DROWNING N I'LL BE HAILED AS A NATIONAL HERO THERE. AND I'LL EARN MILLIONS AND LIVE THERE AND STAY THERE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. amen.

i'm in self-denial.

i'm depressed.

2006-03-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

"the number you have just dialed is currently unavailable. please try again."

*yawns* how boring can it get?

singtel should have personalised unavailable messages for us to choose from.. stuff like..

"if you dialed the number the 1st time, we regret to inform you that the user is unavailable. if you called repeatly, the user is trying to send a message to you. go away. have a nice day."

or

"the number you have just dialed is probably a fake number to get you off her back."

or

"sorry, the user is currently unavailable, instead of calling back again repeatly and getting back the same message, why don't you stay and listen to me tell a story. once upon a time, there was a very pretty girl who lives in a house located at 6th avenue. once she had a boyfriend who loved her very much to the point of obsession. one day she decided that he was too much for her and decided to break up with him. in desperation, he tried every ways and means to get her back but to no avail. he kept calling her every single minute of the day and she got so fed up with the guy, she decided to sign up for singtel's personalised unavailable message. the next day when her ex-boyfriend decided to go about his rounds of trying to contact her, she switched off her mobile phone and he got an unavailable message saying, "sorry, the user is currently unavailable, instead of...""

or

"not in la, call back next year can?"

-----------

i'm totally paranoid about going to thailand to a point that i'm hoping an accident would occur to me and i won't be able to go. when i heard the news that my friend fractured his collar bone and was unable to go, i thought to myself, how LUCKY can he get..

i'm seriously in need of all your prayers and your presents (hehe) before i embark on my final destination. sighh.. why am i part of that stupid 2.5% of the enlistees..

2006-02-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
i keep your photograph i know it serves me well
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain

cuz i'm broken when i'm open
and i don't feel like i am strong enough
cuz i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel light when you're gone away

the worst is over now and we can breathe again
i wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
there's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain

cuz i'm broken when i'm open
and i don't feel like i am strong enough
cuz i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel light when you're gone away

2006-02-26T19:41:00.000+08:00

i shut my eyes real tight during prayers today, clasping my hands ever so tightly, i prayed for the storm clouds to pass, revealing more than just a silver lining. i wish to see the sun again..

familiar words i've seen earlier whizz past the back of my mind like a cheap slideshow.

"cheap bastard."

"amazes me.."

"get wind of.."

"cheap bastard."

i opened my eyes suddenly and those words vanished before me, now revealing the bench and a cross in front of me.

i squeezed my eyes shut again, not allowing any hint of light to shine through my eyelids.. soon familiar songs rang through my head like iTunes playing on random as well as repeat mode.

"to sweet beginnings and bitter endings.."

"and how we laughed and how we smiled and how this world was yours and mine.."

"i don't like to be the ones with the blues but i do love you.."

soon, sermon was over and my torture ended, bringing me back to reality.

it's been years.. why isn't forgetting somebody as easy as deleting a file in the recycle bin? why am i so stupid to come back for more? why..

trickles of tears formed at the side of my eyelids and i wiped it away hastily..

this was how i daynightmared about you.

2006-02-24T13:35:00.000+08:00

how could this happen? i thought things like these lasts a lifetime. suddenly, it's gone. when i came back yesterday, i found the gifts she gave left lying on my bed.of all days, it had to be yesterday. i felt that something was very wrong when i saw those things there. my dad, while mopping the floor, had found the box which i left lying under the bed for years, emptied the contents in it on my bed. i had a feeling something was wrong, but i tried to brush it aside. my premonition was more or less confirmed when i read the blog. there was a sixth sense in me that thought that this might happen, and it did. why does such things happen? i thought they would last a lifetime together just as i thought the other would, but it really didn't. this just shows how fragile relationships are. how human nature can suddenly tilt the balance of a happy one, to that of a nightmare. i really thought you'd last.. i don't want to see you with someone new again, i was happy when you were with him.

-----------------------------------------

i wish my life's like a movie, where everything that you wish to happen, happens. i wish you were part of my movie.

i wish while in your deepest darkest moments, i was coincidentally there for you to cry on my shoulder. whilst you were crying in the rain, rain water drenching you from head to toe, every strand of your hair sticking on you, your tears diluted with rain. then i'd walk by eventually with an umbrella in my hand, overshadowing you, covering you from the rain.

or i would message you at the exact time it happened. you'd ask if i was free to meet you. i'd have the whole day to myself without any worry of interruption. we'd spend the whole day doing stuff, watching movies, retail therapy, drinking coffee. at night, while i send you home, you suddenly break down to tears and tell me what had happen the day before. i was there for you again..

i wish my life was a movie..

and we'd live happily ever after.

i wish you'd read this.

some people wait a lifetime, for a moment like this.

2006-02-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

i'm confused, why are people so proud to be labelled a "social drinker" status in a wholivesnearyou account? will social drinking give you a boost to a higher class of society?

---------

imagine a world void of emotions, where no feelings are ever present anywhere. there's no one to laugh with, to cry about, to be proud of, to be angry at. You just live alone, much like tom hanks in cast away. imagine that.

you have no idea what love is, much less knowing who you loved one is. no family, no friends. nobody. which is good right? you don't have to experience the pain of having them to leave you. "God's unfair," you'd say, why does he have to take away the person who mean the world to me? those unable to take it psychologically breaks down to tears as if they are at the end of the road and have nowhere else to go. whilst some have to overcome the emotional burden and struggle to make ends meet.
and this doesn't happen once, no. this feeling will haunt you for as long as you love someone, be it a family member or friend. sad, isn't it?

what's more, you don't have to be angry anymore! there's on one to vent your anger on, no one to make you hate, no one to get on your nerves. say goodbye to inconsiderate drivers on the roads, to idiots cutting your queue, to a girlfriend you waited 2 hours for but still hasn't arrived yet. heck, there's no need to frown anymore since it's said to tense more muscles than smiles. no more grr's.. no more sighs, no more sobs. how cool is that?

not cool. there'll also be no more hahas, no more aww's... no more yays. no one to get hugs from, no kisses every morning to say "i love you", no one even to say "i love you" to. if these are the emotions you don't want to miss, why then, can't there be a world void of sadness, tears and pain? WHY IS GOD, AN OMNIPOTENT BEING HAVE TO UNLEASH SUCH A CURSE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?

simple. it's through these emotions that we appreciate the hahas more, appreciate the hugs and kisses alot more. they're an excuse to get loved back by another person when the other has hurt you emotionally. they're the reason you console someone with and as a result, grow stronger together each day. they're the reason you treat them better than a new set of bang and olufsen lcd tv, just in case you regret that you don't love them enough when they leave you. now tell me, how cool is THAT?

long time no see.

2006-02-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

1. Song playing at the moment?
don't cry - guns n' roses

2. One reason for living?
cuz the world needs more people like ME. BAHA..

3. Do u think you're ok?
no

4. Ever donated blood?
bad experience, nurse spilled blood all over my
arm while bitching about some doctor.

5. Fav color(s)?
red green blue

6. Accessories you usually wear?
watch, maybe my shades, maybe not.

7. One song to describe a heartbreak in
the past?
i'm too sexy

8. Last place you went to?
y? you wanna stalk me issit?

9. Last person u went out with?
refer to 8.

10. The most exciting sport?
tictactoe.

11. Ever had a baby?
baby fish.

12. Movie u want 2 watch?
eh.. long weekend...

13. Any piercings?
plenty. all on my arm.

14.The most romantic gift?
a car!! aww...

15. Act on stage before?
act blur lo.

16. Struck by lightning before?
yes, and i'm still living to tell the tale you doofus.

17. Danced with your loved one before?
how romantic, no.

18. Ever wished you could turn back time?
wishes don't work no more

19. What would you do if you woke up
one day to find yourself to be with someone from
the opposite
sex?
i must be dreaming.

20. One song that's meaningful to you?
i'm too sexy

21. Last person you met for the first time?
rita? 1st and probably the last time lo

22. What will you be doing tomorrow?
living.

23. Ever thought of robbing a bank?
bank rich or not?

24. One thing you totally regret doing/done?
living and robbing a bank

25. Do people like you?
do you piss in your pants? wad kinda question is
that?

26. What was the last game you played on the
computer?
frozen throne.. man tt's the only normal answer i've
typed so far

27. Someone who means a lot to you at the
moment?
parents! this one no choice la

28. The color of your mobile phone?
256 rgb

29. Do you hate someone at the moment?
the one who came up with this questionaire

30. What do you wish to happen now?
to slap the person i hate at the moment.

heaven now.

2006-02-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

i've just seen another victim of ah-lianism.

one of the symptoms is having a nickname such as darkgal_84.

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY..

the title above is given on friday afternoon at approximately 2.30pm when every single damn mission ended last week and we can go home and celebrate.

HEAVEN NOW......... music to my ears.

HEAVEN NOW.........

heaven now.........

tian1 tang2 xian4 zai4............

heaven now (in bahasa malayu)

heaven now...... (in tamil)

heaven now........ (in every single damn language there is in the world)

this phrase is music to my ears in any language. it's like eating ice kachang very quickly and getting brain freeze. it's that high.

seriously, going for outfield missions really sucks to the core. i perpetually dreaded going for these kinda nonsense and i know this won't change the fact that i'm still going anyway. i also come to realise what my cousin told me the last time about the percentage of morale when you cross water obstacles is true. it went something like this:

when the water reaches above your boots, your morale drops about 10-20% because your socks get wet and you can worry about getting foot rot when you reach back home.

NEVER MIND..

when water gradually rises above your boots, the morale is still ok.. like another 5% for every 20cm rise.

BUT!

morale drops an all time high of 90%-100% once water touches your underwear and gets everything that your underwear is holding super super wet.. and there you go.. that's the morale chart for you.

this happened to me on my first mission.. it was about 100m more to our objective when suddenly we encountered a HUGE water puddle in our path. no choice, we crossed it.

at first the water was ok, reaching the mid section of my boots, but since my boots had been over-seasoned, water entered anyway so it was as if it reached above my boots.

morale-o-meter: 10-20%

NEXT, water went higher and higher n higher.. it's still alright since i'm wet anyway..

morale-o-meter: 20% and rising GRADUALLY..

then, the inevitable happened. i saw the person in front of me dropped to half my height.

DIE LIAO LAH.........

"any sweat,
no sweat,
underwear,
wet wet,
don't believe,
come and check,
check already,
don't regret."

morale-o-meter: 100% down the drain.

so interesting. imagine the feeling of wet underwear the whole morning from 12am to 12pm. does tt get you high enough?

DO YOU BRING INSPIRATION TO THE WORLD OR ARE YOU JUST A FREELOADER?

2006-02-05T01:57:00.000+08:00

the title above is there cuz i just brought inspiration to someone earlier. bahaha.. with my deep thinking and unmatched skills, i have helped amanda phua achieve a higher state of fame in her story! :D be proud.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU BROUGHT INSPIRATION TO SOMEONE, HUH!?

WHEN?!
WHEN?!

not anytime near i suppose..

this is somewhat similar to i not stupid 2's starting rhetorical question.. i think it went something like this: when was the last time you praised your child/someone?

something like that lar.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE PRAISED?

long long time ago.. when my parents 1st saw me..

"who's that cute baby?"

yay.. i'm amazed.

if you are happy and you know it, good for you

2006-02-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

i had a real pleasant surprise today, YOUR senior medic gave us half a day off!! wahhaha.. i had the shock of my life today, to think i actually did nothing today without having to be secretive about it! i'm proud of myself. actually, this off was to pay back the day we did our duty during our leave period.. but to think he actuallly paid us back our off day was quite a surprise in itself.

ANYWAY..

i wanna ask you something:

if you are reading my blog now and you are still schooling..

morning:
a) why aren't you in school? pon rite? i shall tell your principal that you pon school.. orh hor....

afternoon:
b) why are you reading my blog? aren't you supposed to be studying for some test tomorrow? aren't you supposed to do your ultra late 2005 june holidays homework your teacher has been bugging you about?

night:
c) why aren't you sleeping? don't you have school tomorrow???? why are you still reading my blog? what if you cannot concentrate during lessons tomorrow? i won't be held responsible just because you read my blog in the wee hours of the night and you kenna caught for sleeping by your teacher the next day ok?
OK?

bah.. i miss school..
i miss having to skip lessons here and there just because i don't feel like it. and i don't have to worry about getting into trouble with the government if i get caught and get sent to DETENTION BARRACKS.
i miss having to disturb my teachers by asking them irrelevent questions like "how much is 1 + 1" during english lessons.. at least you won't be spending your weekends doing things against your will.
i miss recess.
i miss the class bell.
i miss the blackboard and chalk.
i miss the ohp screen.
i miss rushing down to the canteen in order not to be part of the long queue later.
i miss having to groan about having ccas after school
i miss going to town in less than half an hour in my uniform with my friends just to have lunch.
i miss my school uniform.
i miss homework.
i miss exams..

ok that's going a little too far.

i miss my friends in school!!!

i've got a water bottle and i'm not afraid to use it.

2006-02-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

did i mention that i love my new water bottle? no? well...

I LOVE MY PINK WATER BOTTLE! :)

...

*whistles..*

dumdidum...

hm hm hmmm..

my hump, my hump my hump my..

har? i'm sorry? you love your wad kettle throttle?

I GOT A PINK WATER BOTTLE!!!

there, guilty as charged.

omg.. ben.. you've lost it.

i know.. not pink enough right? damn.

2006-02-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

i am wondering why other people lead more interesting lives than me

new year happy, year year got fish.

2006-01-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

translate that into chinese.

funny rite? funny rite??

FUNNY RITE?

not funny.

i can't stand that ass who thinks he's been through more shit than me just because he's serving longer than i am.

yay. good for you. hope i don't spill piss all over your pants tomorrow you piece of shit.

anyway, i've got something that i wish to clarify. since in america, they call it american idol, why isn't singapore idol called singaporean idol? "singaporean"'s too long a word for you bro? or should we use singacan idol instead? we've been copying their reality tv shows anyway.

i've been reading my past entries recently, i realised that i was funnier last time, more carefree, more.. lame. but i truly madly deeply miss my school life alot. i wish i could retake my a levels again.

no wait, i don't.

two years ago, my valentine's day was a letdown. (check first few entries under nostalgia) last year, i didn't know valentine's day existed. (check entries under nostalgia, you can find nothing) this year.. wait.. when's valentine's day again? tuesday? oh.. yippee ka yay, it's a working day. oh what am i talking about, i've got no date anyway! skipadeedoodah, i don't need to worry about it anyway. but maybe i can help those 1st timers clueless on what to do with their dates on that special day when they've already burnt a REALLLLY huge hole in their pockets buying 12 roses.. (whoever thought of that must be stinking rich now, not that roses stink anyway.) or old timers who're clueless on what to do on valentine's day since they've pulled out every stunt they can think of now, and now they've run out of lighters or matchsticks to burn a hole in their pockets.

ben's budget valentine's day date:
1: have a candlelit dinner at your house. if you're the old timer, you can borrow a lighter from your neighbour or somethin for your candle. *note: make sure you know how to cook, and i don't think maggi mee would work either.

2. beach picnic, just the two of us. aww... ain't that romantic, you cheapo. *note: maggi mee doesn't work here either.

3. hope it rains on valentine's day and dance with your date in the rain, whilst playing "summer rain" by belinda carlisle.

4. rent love-sick movies for the night at your nearest video ezy or cinema now, buy chips and make sure you have a really comfortable sofa and have a movie marathon. *note: maggi mee MIGHT help here. ask her first.

5. play love-sick mp3s on your computer while you slow dance with her in your room. if you can't get any mp3s, ask me. cheap rates, high quality. wahahaha..

6. make her play treasure hunt looking for her vday present. *note: alot of time required to plan, not recommended unless you're one lucky piece of crap who has nothing to do at home and has a girlfriend.

7. borrow someone's male and female dogs so both of you can have a nice stroll together. hey it's the year of the dog right? why not have a year-of-the-dog-valentine's-day date? make sure the dogs aren't frisky with each other.

i'm kind enough already, don't ask me for tips on what to get your girlfriend.. i ain't your aunt agony.

eh.. maybe i should be your uncle agony hor..

2006-01-26T10:46:00.000+08:00

You are the mountain, I am a molehill.
You make me see how little I can be.
You are the ocean, I am a puddle.
You are the Saviour, i'm saved by You

You are the whole world, I'm just one person.
Yet You still treat me as Your son.
You are the ricefield, I'm but a rice grain.
You are the Saviour, I'm saved by You

But sometimes i keep forgetting,
and then i work as if i own this world.
Then You enter my life again,
leading and guiding me, making me humble once again.

You're the bed of roses, i'm but a leaf
All these beauty can't compare with You
You're the sunshine, amidst the darkness.
You're my my Saviour, i'm saved by You.

You're the forest, i'm just a sapling,
yet you see how much potential i bring.
When i am in despair, i know i can count on You.
For You're my Saviour, I'm saved by you.

There are times when I doubted You.
You were like a distant memory.
Not knowing that I needed You.
You reminded me of the magnitude
of the sacriface Your only Son made

memoirs of a gaysha

2006-01-24T16:56:00.000+08:00

2006-01-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

----------

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not buy myself the same 4d numbers that you bought
I will not bet the usual bid, a hundred big only
I've learned the hard way, to never buy it at ntuc.

Because of you
I never strike 4d for so long
Because of you
I learned to play it on the safe side
So I don't "lugi"
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
the car's 4 numbers whenever a car "langah"s
Because of you
I am humji

I lose more cash
And it's not too long before i go bankrupt
I cannot cry
Because i no more money to buy tissue
I'm forced to borrow, from "da er long" who charge me "cheap" interests,
My legs will possibly break
When i don't have enough money to pay them.

Because of you
I never strike 4d for so long
Because of you
I learned to play it on the safe side
So I don't "lugi"
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
the car's 4 numbers whenever a car "langah"s
Because of you
I am humji

I watched you win
I heard you scream
whenever you touch toto
I was so "gong"
i should have known better than to buy 4d
You never thought of giving me chan.
You just take money
And now I'm broke
with no more cash
to buy abaloneeeeeeee....

Because of you
I never strike 4d for so long
Because of you
I learned to play it on the safe side
So I don't "lugi"
Because of you
I tried every number, just to compensate
Because of you
I don't know how to pay "da er long" moneyyyyy
Because of you
they hang a pig's head on my door, when it's empty
Because of you
I am humji..

Because of you
Because of you

this entry's so cool, i had to post it!

2006-01-22T04:20:00.000+08:00

Now don't you know that one cold word is going to lead to another
And then we'll have nowhere to go
Even if heaven and earth collide tonight
We'll be all alone in a different light
I don't care what the world can't see
It's just between you and me

-----------------

i have no idea why this song suddenly popped in my head. it's totally nostalgic, and so cool, i had to post it! ;D

this time now is 4.22.54am and i just returned home from MOS Burger.. no wait.. just MOS. i have no idea why this sentence suddenly popped in my head. it's totally dumb, and so cool, i had to post it! ;D

ANYWAY

yea i just came home from the Ministry of Sound, (sounds so harry potterish.) the place is kinda cool, with all the different rooms for different music, and huge place to dance in. the turn-off about that place is that despite the huge area, the club is JAM PACKED. like, STRAWBERRY JAM PACED in between 2 slices of High 5 white bread. (that phrase was so cool, i had to post it! ;D)

was also the 1st time i've seen so many red hairs around. (translate yourself)

BUT!

what was SO SO SO SO SO damn-cool-i-had-to-post-it kind of cool was that there's a tv screen in front of every cubicle in the gent's toilet! OMG!

i'd bet the ladies' toilet doesn't have it. HAH.

wait, i'm so sleepy, i've decided to sleep 1st before i snooze during mass tomorrow again. i'll be back later in the evening to prove that there's a so damn-cool-i-had-to-post-it kind of cool toilet-which-has-a-tv-screen-in-front-of-every-cubicle but posting a picture. for now, good nite!

-------------------

HA, i'm back and i'm here to prove to you special toilets DO exists! bahahah..

TADAHH

isn't it like one of the coolest things on earth?

not really, i'm just making a mountain out of a molehill.

ANYWAY

before that, i was at estrella's chalet celebrating her 21st birthday.

there's the birthday girl. i've got to admit, this is one of the better pictures i've taken in a long while.. normally, my smiles would be forced and i'll probably look constipated, wanting some antacid tablets very badly.

after looking at this pic just a few seconds ago, it just dawned on me that i'm FREAKING old already. the 1 in my age is going to be replaced by a 2! the only time i remember having the same feeling was when i was 9 going on 10. i was a monkey then, (not that i'm not one now.) and i was so excited about my birthday that i practically jumped up and down, left and right, diagonal.. (you get the idea). this year, i'll be turning 20 in thailand.... :( sawadika!

damn it's 12am already, and i have to wake up early tomorrow to go back to camp. shudders. i might post tomorrow again about what i do in camp tho.. (if you remind me,)

i've got blogalitis.

2006-01-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

blogalitis? what's that?

maybe i should just start off by doing what we all do best? blog about my day.

in this case, maybe blog about my current life? so if you aren't really interested with my life, the exit's just on the top right side of your screen. :)

was just going through photos and guess what i found?

a family photo!

sad to say that this is the latest family photo we've taken and this photo takes us back to 2004 when my brother got married.

really, i DO love my family, but sometimes, i just can't stand it when my dad would quarrel with my mom. it just makes me feel awkward whenever i am around them and things just wouldn't be the same in the house if a cold war started. sometimes, i'm glad i'm in camp, away from all these mess.

speaking of which,

I JUST CAN'T STAND ARMY!

i can't stand the politics of it all, i can't stand the things i have to go through, i can't stand the thought of being isolated from the world, away from friends when they're enjoying themselves somewhere while you are doing duties and such. there's a war going on tomorrow between my commanders and i wish that i can just take mc and stay at home while they fight it out amongst themselves. i don't care.

church has been great. i'm glad that i'm back in a church group where friends are just abundant and all around. i was surprised when corn asked why wasn't i active in church then. maybe he doesn't know i am in the legion of mary now, but i'm glad that he considered my service in the church an important contribution like everyone elses' (i think that's what he thinks, i hope). but i resolve to be more participative in church activities and stuff, more importantly, i really do hope that through my actions and words, i'd be able to move everyone into the right mindset for serving in church, and that is not to serve for the people, but to serve for God. it isn't easy to continue from where i left the last time, so i'm starting again from scratch and hope that more people can trust in me and maybe confide in me when there's trouble too. of course, nothing's possible without the help of our good Lord himself, so i resolve also to be fervent in prayer and to be dedicated to Mary too, which is why i did the o-so-boring allocutio about the rosary.

sorry! i gtg now, i'll continue when i have the time.

2006-01-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

i see You in the ocean,
a wonderful view in sight.
i put my feet in the waters,
i feel You gently brushing me by.
there's no word in the world to describe You.
i just want to feel You.

i hold Your hand, You take me higher than the mountains.
i see Your face, in every of Your works and wonders.
i hear Your voice, like a breeze in the wilderness.
You make me feel, all my sufferings are worth it all.

i see You in the pouring rain,
the cool wind fills me up.
i dance in the rain with my barefoot,
i feel like i'm dancing with You.
there's no word in the world to describe You
i just want to feel You.

when i am lost,
and have no one else to turn to.
tears stream down,
emotions overwhelmed me.
then You came,
a gentle voice amist my screams.
i run to You,
like a child running to his mother.